Our Funniest Sex Toy Questions, Searches and Stats of 2018

As 2018 draws to a close, we want to let you in on the cheeky questions, searches and stats that this kinky nation has been looking for and contributing to in 2018. We love keeping the UK population stocked up on their favourite sex toys, props and lingerie, but most of all we love making sure you’re all having great sex.

2018 Pulse and Cocktails end of year review


For the 2018 year roundup, we have put together a yearly review showing just how hungry for dildos you’ve been, whether you’ve been taking our advice and keeping everything well lubricated and finding out just how clean you’ve been keeping all your favourite sex toys. We have also compiled a list of our favourite wacky, wondrous (and just some downright weird) searches of the year.

How horny is the nation?

How many dildos were sold over the year?

In 2018 we sold enough dildos to stretch a humongous 176 football pitches. That’s a lot of rubber penises, from chocolate covered bananas to ice lollies it’s clear why you lot love so many phallic shaped objects in the world.

amount of dildos sold in 2018

How much porn was watched over the year?

We know everyone loves porn, but what we didn’t realise was just how much. It would take you a whopping 12 and a half years to watch all the porn we sold in 2018. Now we all know what you randy lot do with your spare time!

ponrography sold data 2018

How many erections did we enhance this year?

In 2018 we helped produce hundreds of thousands erections with our Dragon strong tablets. At Pulse and Cocktails, we like to know we are doing our bit to enhance everyone’s sex life.

How much lube was sold this year?

We are glad to see you are taking our advice when it comes to sex and keeping well lubricated – in 2018 we sold enough lube to fill 90 bathtubs, you kinky devils.

love lube lubricant filling bath.


How clean are you keeping your sex toys?

Even though you play dirty, it’s clear you like to keep your sex toys clean, as we sold enough toy cleaner in 2018 to fill over 100 buckets full!

sex toy cleaner bucket and duck

How many anal toys were sold this year?

We might be known as a prude nation but behind closed doors, it would seem we all love a bit of bum fun as we sold enough anal toys this year to give one to every resident in the city of London over the age of 18 (now that’s giving).

Funniest sex toy searches on the website

Every year we receive thousands of searches on our website from customers hoping to find their perfect sex toy or lingerie, most range from common searches such as a vibrator, male masturbators or cock rings. However, some of you have been getting very creative and specific – read our compilation of the funniest searches we’ve had in 2018:

Autocorrect and misspellings

  • Fiat Fetish
  • Penis plube
  • Worless Vibrator
  • Anal Jiggle
  • Ibrator and Slee
  • Biggest Dikdo
  • Bilbo
  • Butler Plug
  • But hugg
  • Comdom
  • Door jam swing
  • Sexy dress with stain
  • Drugo strong
  • Endancer Pills
  • Rampant tab nits
  • Lube is hats
  • Mail sex toy

Our personal favourite, Suction Pimp:

Sorry, we don’t stock that here…

  • Anal spread
  • Cum tissue
  • Gay men
  • Technobeat
  • Wings
  • Warhead
  • Dildo Pan
  • Fatboy
  • Poo
  • Blow Job
  • Ball stretcher
  • Big Toe
  • Body Bouncer
  • Bluetooth
  • Vibrating Butt Mug
  • Cum roll
  • Dildo comb
  • Dildo face
  • Dental dick
  • Edible Jizz
  • Fungus lube

We think you might have come to the wrong store

  • Nappies
  • Tea
  • Butter
  • Apple
  • Backdoor
  • Banana Dildo
  • Borroca
  • Corn on the cob
  • Door ham
  • Fanta
  • Mastur Burrito
  • Pie sleeve
  • Pienous

Cock-hungry searches

  • Cock ear
  • Cock fighting
  • Cock head
  • Cock milk
  • Cock shock
  • Cock sleigh
  • Cock tie
  • Cocktail
  • Cock soup
  • Electric cock

We think you might be looking for someone else?

  • Chris
  • Amy
  • Jo
  • Johnson
  • Bobb Vibrator
  • 8 inch Harry
  • Amber
  • Billy
  • Sharon Wood

Just plain weird…

  • Big arse banger
  • Latex Boob
  • Rocket dildo
  • Roman Dildo
  • Bath mate
  • Tunnel Butt
  • Chin Strap on
  • Anas Tree
  • Ball Nipple
  • Ball Crush
  • Candy Gas
  • Candy Porn
  • Coloured clit
  • Crossdressing corn
  • Penis beans

We might open on a Sunday but we are not a religion

  • Indian God Oil
  • Halo
  • Virgin
  • Rabbi
  • Jew
  • Beginners Rabbi
  • Birth
  • Christ
  • Holy dildo
  • Pink Rabbi

Someone’s not getting enough sex

  • Long distance
  • No Ejaculation
  • Women
  • Love
  • Spy to attract women
  • Attractive Spouse
  • Begging
  • But hugg
  • Male attract Kellognes
  • Dragging
  • Dress up love
  • Eject penis
  • Fake sperm
  • Flirt cream
  • Vibrating dislocation
  • Problems
  • Punish me
  • Semi solid love
  • Sex magic
  • Roll on penis
  • Punish men
  • Nippless

Perhaps these searches are a little bit too close to nature…

  • Tadpole dildo
  • Turtle
  • Cats
  • Leopard dildo
  • Blue Tit
  • Bunny Butt
  • Butt Pug
  • Clam dildo
  • Clone a chick
  • Cock duck
  • Crotchless ants
  • Dragon sex
  • Dragon erection
  • Horse cock dildo
  • Nipple Lambs
  • Snakey Vibrator
  • Sheep sack
  • Mermaid Dildo

We are not a travel agent (but we can take you to great places!)

  • Spanish
  • Berlin
  • Chelsea
  • Clit Van
  • Jamaica
  • Spain

Last but not least, here are some of the funniest and peculiar questions you’ve been asking us in-store

Although we may help the magic spark in the bedroom we are not magicians

    • Do we sell a drink that will make a man ejaculate a greater volume of sperm?
    • Do we have a cream that makes the penis permanently bigger?

The only happy ending you will be getting from one of our stores is leaving with an amazing sex toy to spice up your sex life.

    • Do we have a room to view porn and masturbate?
    • Do we have any massage tables in the back?



At Pulse and Cocktails, we have loved keeping the nation stocked up with sex toys, lube, and all other erotic appliances not only this year but for the past 20 years, and we cannot wait to see what 2019 brings. Head into one of our UK stores to get in on all the exciting and arousing new products we have in stock for you.

We adore receiving all your wonderful questions, so please keep them coming in 2019 and beyond!

Finally, we will finish with our top recommendations:
  1. Everything feels better when you use lube. Whether you are 18 or 80 lube is an essential part of sex and can make the difference between Oh kay sex and Oh my f**ck sex. Read our blog here for more tips on how and why to use lubricant.
  2. Toy cleaner is essential, the best way to keep your toys and your dangly bits healthy maintained is to clean your sex toys with our antibacterial toy cleaner after and before every use. It is very simple to use with a few squirts and you can spray the nasty bacteria away. Read our blog here to find out more information on why toy cleaner is so important.
  3. The best kind of sex is safe sex! That’s why we always recommend using condoms, with options ranging from bubblegum to invisible half the fun can be using them.
  4. If you haven’t already, try sex with male sex enhancer dragon strong tablets. They are an all natural herbal enhancer that provide bigger, stronger and better erections whilst enhancing your libido at the same time. Trust us, your sex life will never be the same again. Read our blog here for more information on dragon strong enhancer tablets.