Oh, the female orgasm – one of God’s true wonders. That beautiful little muscle spasm that starts with a twitch and ends with a giant wave of warm pleasure running through every inch of one’s body. Despite this feminine miracle, a large proportion of women struggle to climax and those that can have to be laid in a certain position, on a certain time of day, with a certain vibrator to even have a slight chance of experiencing one. Shocking research suggests up to 50% of women do not orgasm when they have sexual intercourse even with external stimulation (Brenner, 2017), further research shows 10-15% of women have never experienced a female orgasm at all (James, 2009).
However, the more women are in tune with their bodies and all its tingles, tickles and turn-ons the easier she will find it to orgasm. Imagine the power of being able to climax whenever you want – does this sound like a dream ‘cum’ true? Whether you’re a woman looking to achieve climax or a partner who feels the immense pressure of getting their female companion to orgasm during sex, keep reading for our top tips and tales.
8 tips to achieve the best female orgasm
1. It’s all about sexual self-discovery – Learn what turns you and your partner on
To become the master of the orgasm you first need to give yourself (or your partner) some TLF – tender, love and fingering. Masturbation allows for time to discover what rhythm, pressure and sensations the body responds too. What does your body feel like just before you’re about to cum? Do you respond more to fast rubbing or gentle stokes? When you learn what tickles your turn on you can get yourself going in seconds. Practising masturbation when you’re by yourself will make it easier to orgasm and help get you or your partner in the mood next time you are with a partner – you can essentially condition your body to climax easier. So there you go ladies, that’s your homework for this week – get masturbating!
To help your girlfriend orgasm you need to donate some time to the sexual discovery of her body. You might think you already know her luscious lady parts really well but there is always more to learn. Get to know her clitoris, slow and steady wins the race. Have her guide your hand over her most sensitive areas and let her control the pressure and movement to show you what she likes (and what sends her senseless), use this information next time you’re in control to satisfy her sexual needs.
How to get out of your head and into your orgasm
Have you ever heard of the magical fairytale about the lady who can make herself orgasm with just her mind? Well, we are here to tell you that the mystical mindgasm is true! Ladies – next time your partner is going down on you, stop thinking about the meeting you’ve got tomorrow and really embrace your sexual experience. Notice the warmth of your partner’s breath on your vagina, feel how their tongue circles your clitoris and how this makes your body respond.
2. How to get her head into her orgasm
If you’re looking to make your female partner reach orgasm, you need to please every area of her body. Don’t get bogged down going straight to what you might think is the best bit (her vagina), you need to stimulate every inch of her body. Start by lightly kissing her neck and slowly work your way down south paying close attention to her collar bone, stomach, inner thighs and nipples on your way down. Make her feel like she is a work of art that deserves all the attention in the world (because she does), no time limit. Try talking dirty to her, you don’t have to go full porn star in the Playboy mansion just keep it simple. Start by giving her sexy compliments, tell her how horny she makes you and how you can’t wait to devour her.
A very important point is to not put heaps of pressure on yourself or her to orgasm, if it happens it happens you can’t force it. Stressing about orgasm can actually be counterproductive and thoughts like, “Am I ever going to orgasm?” or “My partner hasn’t enjoyed sex if she doesn’t cum” can prevent you from relaxing and enjoying the moment. That’s why it’s important to keep your mind in the moment and become mindful of the sensations your body is experiencing.
3. How to fantasize yourself to have an orgasm
Think of your sexiest fantasy (everyone has one), it might be doing doggy in a lift or having a sensual massage on an idyllic beach. Whatever it is fantasizing is an easy way to keep your mind immersed in your sexual experience. It doesn’t have to take you away from you and your partner at that moment, you can both play the lead roles. Once you’ve decided on your biggest turn-on you can use this next time you’re getting frisky as extra stimulation.
Try asking your partner what their sexiest fantasy is, there is nothing sexier than confidence and openness. Don’t be afraid to get kinky, treat her to some sexy role play outfits, make her feel like the seductive secretary you can’t resist if that’s what she wants.
4. Using Erotica to help you orgasm
Add some extra excitement into your bedroom with some sexy stimuli. Whether it’s reading an erotic novel, watching some porn or listening to a dirty audiobook, if it gets you going, get it on! If you’re intrigued by the idea of watching porn but are unsure of where to start, read our blog on why women should watch porn and the benefits of watching it.
Partners – try asking her whether using erotica during sex is something that would turn her on, she might feel uncomfortable starting the conversation at first but taking the lead could help her open up. If she enjoys reading erotic literature, or if the idea of watching porn turns her on try putting some softcore porn on next time you’re underneath the sheets.
5. How to use foreplay to help a woman orgasm
Getting to know the different areas of the vagina and the role they play in the female orgasm is paramount. Studies have shown 80% of women struggle to orgasm from penetrative sex alone (Reid, 2017) and lesbians are having more orgasms than everyone else (BBC, 2017)! This is most likely because lesbians don’t focus purely on penetration and place more of an emphasis on foreplay. Many couples rush into penis in vagina sex and forget all about foreplay which is equally important, would you go out for dinner and have dessert without the main meal?
Try giving each other a sensual massage using a scented massage candle or make a deal that no penetration is allowed until half an hour into your sexy time. Instead, you have to treat each other to some oral sex and fondling first. Not only will this get the body aroused, but the restriction of not actually being able to have penetrative sex will make you want each other even more.
Pay close attention to each area of the female body, there are at least seven erogenous (highly sensitive) zones. The nipples being one of them, we recommend experimenting with some nipple sex toys to help explore the second biggest erogenous zone. Our personal favourite are these USB rechargeable vibrating nipple suckers, these luxury nipple toys will spoil and pamper the nipples giving them the attention they truly deserve – you might even be lucky enough to experience the illusive nipplegasm.
Top tip for partners – At the beginning of foreplay, you want to keep her guessing to make sure her sexy senses are alert and alive. Mix up your movements, first some slow and delicate nipple strokes and then some more vigorous grabbing, and then maybe some kisses along her thigh, then up to her ear… you may well drive her to the edge of orgasm. Make sure to only avoid repetition in the beginning, eventually repetition of your movements is what will help her orgasm.
6. Essential items to help a woman orgasm
One word LUBE! When it comes to having an orgasm lube is love, lube is life. Using lots of lube reduces any painful rubbing on the vagina, nobody wants to be left with a friction burn – OUCH! For more information on lube and the benefits of using it read our blog on reasons you should try lubricant.
7. The best sex toys to help a woman orgasm
Why not bring some extra ‘vibrating friends’ to play in the bedroom? Whether you’re playing solo or dining for two, sex toys can add an amazing dimension to sexual stimulation.
If you or your partner loves clitoral stimulation we recommend
- The Mini Vibrator £59.95
This little piece of heaven is a cross between a bullet and a vibrator. Small, compact but oh so powerful, this rechargeable toy has a curved shaft to stroke your G-spot. However, due to its smaller size this toy is not designed for deep penetration.
- My Wand Vibrator with three pleasure heads £99
The clit stim vibrator to beat all clit stims, My Wand vibrator is easily one of the most powerful toys on the market for clitoral stimulation. What makes this toy stand out from the rest is the three detachable heads it comes with, turning your one wand massager into four toys – a rabbit, g-spot massager, clit stimulator and anal toy all in one – yes, please!
Couples sex toys to help a woman orgasm
- Duo Vibe £99
The perfect couples sex toy! This rechargeable remote control vibe can pleasure the clit and g-spot simultaneously – ladies if anything is going to give you an orgasm, it’s this toy. You can use it to pleasure yourself or pop the small end of the toy inside you during penetration and he gets pleasure too.
P.s the remote is wireless so you can take it anywhere that turns you on.
- The Oh Ring £39.95
A cock ring could be just what you need. Not only will this give the wearer a firmer erection by increasing the blood flow to the penis, but a penis ring also provides that much-needed clit stimulation for female orgasm. We recommend this powerful rechargeable cock ring as a great couples toys.
8. Shed the shame and free the orgasm
When it comes to sex the mental elements are just as important as the physical components for women. Negative feelings such as shame about masturbation and sex can lead to women having trouble climaxing. Research has shown highly religious women or those who embrace a more conservative lifestyle have fewer orgasms on average than women, who have more liberal and liberated views (Castleman, 2018). So, there you have it, shed your shame and free yourself or your partner to have earth-shattering orgasms. Masturbating is a perfectly natural and essential part of being a healthy human. Having a healthy sex life whether you’re riding solo or with a partner is just as important to your health as a good night’s sleep! We should be proud of our orgasms and masturbation rather than ashamed of them.
We are confident that you now have the skills for your journey towards mind-blowing orgasms whether for yourself or your partner!
If you’re thinking ‘yeah, I have the skills but I want some tools to help me too’, read our beginners guide to vibrators to help you choose the perfect vibrator to suit you or your partner.
In summary; our top words of advice to help a woman have an orgasm are:
- Spending time getting to know her body and what she likes.
- Fantasize about scenarios – ask her what her fantasy is and make her dreams come true.
- Use a helping hand whether that be a lubricant, a sex toy or even your shower head.
Top Product Recommendations to help a woman orgasm
We hope this blog brings more women closer to climaxing! Love, the Pulse and Cocktails team.
- BBC, 24/02/2017, BBC news, https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-39077293
- Brenner H, 17/02/2018, Psychology today, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/experimentations/201802/11-reasons-why-many-women-might-not-have-orgasms
- Castleman M, 16/10/2018, Psychology today, https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/all-about-sex/201810/why-so-many-women-have-trouble-orgasm
- James. S.D, 4/09/2009, abc news, https://abcnews.go.com/Health/ReproductiveHealth/sex-study-female-orgasm-eludes-majority-women/story?id=8485289
- Lincoff N, 21/08/2014, Healthline, https://www.healthline.com/health-news/women-have-fewer-orgasms-than-men-082114#1
- Reid R, 21/08/2017, Metro, https://metro.co.uk/2017/09/21/almost-80-of-women-dont-orgasm-from-penetrative-sex-6945941/