8 Sexual BDSM Role-Play Ideas to Spice Up Your Sex Life

Let’s talk about BDSM and role-play – It seems as a nation we just can’t get enough! In a recent poll done by Marie Claire, 85% of you confessed to engaging in some form of light BDSM or bondage. Whether it’s blindfolds or ball gags you’re certainly getting your KINK on in the bedroom. In this blog, we’ll uncover what BDSM stands for, and give you 8 kinky role-playing ideas inspired by BDSM to take your sex life to the next level.

8 BDSM Role play ideas for better sex - Pulse and cocktails

Are you new to bondage and BDSM? We recommend reading our beginners guide to bondage to find out how you can turn your freak O’meter up a notch. Turn that vanilla sex frown upside down and spank them.

What is BDSM?

BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism.

  • Bondage – Refers to the act of restraining someone either with bondage rope, tape, restraints anything that tickles your pickle.
  • Discipline – Discipline refers to controlling behavior using set rules often delivered by the dominant partner. Discipline can be enforced with rewards and punishment (all consensual of course!).
  • Sadism – Sadism refers to receiving pleasure from administrating pain. This can be both physical and emotional.
  • Masochism – Masochism refers to experiencing pleasure from receiving pain, again this could be physical or emotional. Spanking, biting and public humiliation or all types of the pain offered in S&M.

A more inclusive explanation of BDSM = Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism.

What are the roles of a submissive and dominant in BDSM and which one am I?

What is a Dominant in BDSM?

A dominant (also called ‘Dom’) in BDSM is a person with control over another, submissive person (also referred to as ‘Sub’). The dominants role in BDSM can encompass a variety of different elements. Some dom’s act as a teacher, guiding their innocent sub’s into the dark world of dungeons and debauchery. They may enjoy inflicting pain on their sub, especially if they step out of line and disobey orders. The dominant partner may create a specific set of rules that the submissive has to obey, and if they misbehave they are sure to be punished. Often the sub must ask permission to perform certain acts, whether that’s touching the dom or masturbating. Not only does the dom demand compliance and obedience from their sub, they also have duties of care and protection for their submissive.

What is a Submissive in BDSM?

Please spank me, Mr. Gray! If you are the submissive in a relationship your ultimate desire is to please your dominant. Submissive’s will place their dom’s needs above their own, submitting not only their body but their minds too.

Submissive behaviors fall into three categories; pain, sexual or service.

  • Pain: Baby are you a masochist? The pain can be both physical or emotional. A sub may be whipped if they disobey their Dom or their Dom may deny them emotional luxuries like affection.
  • Sexual: Sexual Sub’s offer the entirety of their sensual bodies to their Dom’s, as theirs to do whatever sexual acts they please with.
  • Service: Pandering to the Dom’s every need, running them a bath, making sure they are comfortable is all part of service submission.

Just because someone is submissive in the bedroom does not mean they are that character in real life. In fact, many people with stressful roles like to play as submissives in BDSM as a form of stress relief.

Am I a submissive or dominant?

You may find you and your partner naturally slip into roles of who is the dom and who is the sub in your relationship. Spot the signs in your sex life, do you like having your hair pulled? Do you like to spank your partner’s bottom with a paddle? You may have both already experimented in some light BDSM without realising. Why choose? Have the best of both worlds and try both roles, cheeky! Many people enjoy being a dom one night and submitting to their partner the next.

Safety in Bondage and BDSM 

What is safe, sane and consensual BDSM?

These are the three essential laws of bondage safe, sane and consensual. Be safe, make sure your play is never dangerous for example any restraints are not pulled too tight and that you can breathe through a mouth gag. Keep sane and realistic with your play plans, never engage in any behaviours that could put an individual at risk of danger. BDSM play must always be consensual! All partners must want to take part in the bondage activities. Never pressure someone into doing something they are not comfortable with and never feel pressured into any play you are not comfortable with yourself.

BDSM is about sharing an honest and respectful relationship with your play partner. We strongly recommend only acting out these roles with someone you trust and feel comfortable with.

Safewords are sexy

When two or more people engage in BDSM play together using a safeword is essential. This is a word you can shout when things get a little too far out of your comfort zone. You need to know you can shout BANANAS in the middle of sex and everything will stop! Some people prefer to use a coded system such as the traffic light system.

  • Green = This is okay!
  • Amber = A little out of my comfort zone but I’m happy to try it.
  • Red = I want to stop!

So, now you know the basic BDSM roles you need to decide which one of these kinky characters you’re going to be this Halloween. Will you be a naughty student in need of a spanking, or will you be the seductive vampire in a sexy dress playing with your victim?

Kinky Role-play Ideas

1. The porno

Tonight you are a porn star!

A porn star wants to make her big break in the X-rated business. A dirty director offers her just that, however, she must please him and obey his every order for his own private filming. Spice up the kink factor on this one and direct your own movie as a keepsake. Remember, never record something on a device that could be accessible by other people. If you’d be uncomfortable with anyone accessing the footage in future, watch it back and then delete the footage to avoid it ever being seen by anyone else.

What to wear

Stay sexy in this black floral lace basque with lace garter and knickers. Keep it simple with these fishnet hold up stockings and finish off with some ravenous red lipstick, so they know you mean business.

2. I am the King/Queen

Tonight one of you is the king or queen and your partner is your slave. Have them do whatever acts you desire (that are safe, sane and consensual – for more information on safe BDSM play read our guide on bondage for beginners). Have them run you a bath, bend on all fours or masturbate while you watch. They must obey your every order.

The outfit:

Be the queen of hearts in this seductive red heart and fishnet suspender bodystocking. Make it extra naughty and seduce your partner with these red heart-shaped nipple tassels.

3. Teacher and the student 

Taking it back to one of the classic but timeless role-play scenarios, for anybody who had a fetish for professors at college. A naughty student hasn’t passed their assignment and there is only one way the teacher will be bribed – sexually.

The outfit:

Bend over the desk and be spanked in a flirtatious school girl outfit. Then finish off the look with these dainty white satin bow over the knee hold-ups.

4. Vampire and Victim

Sink your teeth into this mischievous role play idea and discover your inner Dracula. A devilish sexy vampire captures a naive innocent slave to use as their plaything. The slave must obey all of the seductive vampires commands. Will they turn them to the dark side?

The outfit:

Captivate and catch your slave in this sexy black wet look ribbon lace up dress. Finish off your look with these lace and lame black elbow glovesOh hello Vlad!

5. Naughty maid and hotel guest

A naughty careless maid opens up a hotel room to clean without knocking and stumbles across a guest masturbating. The dominant guest demands the maid perform sexual favours as payment for them not reporting the incident to the hotel. This one requires a little extra planning, set the scene and book yourselves a fancy hotel room for the night. It is so much easier to lose yourself in your fantasies when you are somewhere new and exciting. Read our guide on how to have the perfect dirty weekend away for more tips.

The outfit:

Drive your partner wild in this naughty french maid dress, finish off the look with a pair of sexy tights.

6. Dominatrix and slave

You are a Femaledom! Dominate your slave! Tie them, spank them, gag them? Tonight you are in control.

The outfit:

Unleash your dominatrix in this sexy natural latex dress, pair it with some seductive latex full-length gloves and finish off wearing a pair of risque thigh high patent boots to show them who’s boss.

7. The stripper is the prize


Ever wanted to wrap your legs around a pole? Well, tonight you can, zip up those stripper boots and strut your striptease. A seductive stripper is won as a prize in a lap dance bar. The stripper is the prize winners sex toy for one night only, whatever they say goes.

The stripper outfit:

Tease your partner in a skin-tight body stocking and finish of the outfit with a pair of sexy red ankle strap heel sandals.

8. Hooker and the Police officer


I’m sorry office please don’t arrest me! A hooker makes someone an offer outside of their house only to learn they are an undercover police officer. All the cells are full so the officer ties the hooker up at home and makes them spread their legs with a spreader bar. The officer gives the naughty hooker a good spanking and says the only get out of jail free card is their best service.

The outfit:

Make a Rawwwr in a tight, sexy dress. Where would any hooker be without her thigh-high boots? Complete the look with some thigh high patent boots.

Now you’ve got the characters all that’s left to do is bring them to life! Read our blog on beginners bondage and BDSM to learn about aftercare in BDSM and why it is essential.

Essential items for any BDSM lover’s drawer

  • A Bullet vibrator – BDSM play doesn’t always have to be painful. Send your partner to pleasure heaven with this powerful rechargeable bullet. Better yet, tease them to the point of orgasm but don’t let them release!
  • Handcuffs – Tie your lover up and have your wicked way with them!
  • Lubricant – Everything is better with lube. Try applying a small amount to a powerful bullet and massage all over the body, then use on larger vibrators. A lubricant is a must for anal toys. We recommend water-based lubricant as this is safe to use with most sex toys.
  • Massage candle – Dripping hot wax poured all over our bodies…what could be better? Let your hands slip over your partner’s body while you caress them in a massage, try our soy massage candle.
  • A Blindfold – subtle yet sensual, no true kinkster would be without a blindfold in their drawer. It is amazing how sensitive we are when we lose the ability to see.

So, go and have some fun playing these parts in your next steamy sex session. We hope you love them as much as us!

Love the pulse and cocktails team.