Bondage and BDSM for beginners – Tips on soft to advanced bondage

Have you fantasized about being tied up and spanked? Well if you haven’t, maybe it’s time you started…

The thought of bondage may make you feel like a sex goddess, or want to hide in a corner – but there’s really nothing to be scared of.

What is Bondage?

Essentially bondage refers to a sexual play that involves consensually restraining a partner for sexual pleasure – but really it is so much more! Not only is bondage an exciting way to become kinkier in the bedroom, it is also about building trust and openness in your relationship.

Beginners guide to Bondage guide woman with leather whip

Bondage is the B in BDSM

B & D – Bondage and discipline, refer to sexual acts that involve restraining a partner with items such as rope or handcuffs for sexual pleasure. Discipline involves training a partner using rewards and punishment. Something as simple as spanking opens up the world of BDSM – yes that means you’ve probably already dabbled yourself!

S & M stands for sadism (inflicting pain) and M stands for Masochism (receiving pain). The pain can be both physical and emotional, whipping and humiliation are both acts of S&M. Playing with the boundaries of pain and pleasure in a safe and consensual relationship can be excitingly arousing.

Bondage doesn’t have to be scary, adding something as simple as a blindfold into the bedroom can really excite your senses. Our aim in this blog is to simplify the world of BDSM and help guide you on how to perform soft and light bondage, to expert level naughtiness. If you’re lucky enough to already be acquainted with bondage, keep reading to gain some useful tips!

The benefits of trying bondage – how it can improve your relationship and sex life

  • Bondage is exciting and stimulating
  • Bondage is liberating
  • Bondage can build communication and trust in your relationship
  • Bondage heightens your sensuality and sensitivity
  • Bondage can spice up a mundane sex life
  • Bondage produces natural highs and endorphins

Bondage tips and ideas – What you need to know!

How to practice bondage – start off slow

Bondage is a sexual art that you need to master to find your own personal pleasure levels. Jumping in at the deep end wearing a mouth gag, nipple clamps, and a chastity device is a sure way to set yourself up for failure. Start off slow. Try adding some soft bondage items to your sexual exploits. We recommend:

  • Light spanking with your hand or a spanking paddle
  • Gently pulling your partner’s hair
  • Using a light blindfold whilst having sex


Sexplore each other’s bodies and limits – there’s a fine line between pleasure and pain.

Communicate with your partner

The first rule of bondage is good communication between you and your partner. Communicate openly and honestly together. Start by sitting down and discuss each other’s sexual fantasies, what turns you on or off and what boundaries you’re not prepared to cross.

Make sure your Bondage play is safe and consensual

Safety comes first, make sure your partner is not tied up too tightly and that they can breath when using a mouth gag. Being Sane is next, don’t engage in any dangerous acts that put you or your partner at risk – be realistic. Make sure your play is consensual, never push someone into something they are not comfortable with. Equally, never feel pressured into something you don’t want to do. Bondage is about building trust and communication in your relationship and should be something exciting shared by both partners.

How to establish a safe word

You need to decide on a safe-word beforehand. A safe word is a word you both agree upon and say out loud when things get a little bit too weird and you need a cuddle break. You need to feel secure that you can shout leprechaun in the middle of being tied up, and everything will stop. If you are planning on using mouth gags, it is useful to establish a safe-signal – clap your hands or cough three times, for example.

How to Read, Listen and Respect your partner’s reactions

Have they gone quiet? Are they pulling away? Read your partner’s responses, if their body language makes you think that they not enjoying it anymore it probably means that they aren’t! Always check in on your partner to make sure that they’re ok.

Am I Submissive or Dominant?

A common misconception held by many new people to the world of bondage and BDSM is that you have to fall into the category of either a submissive or a dominant role. Another myth is that people who are dominant characters in real life will play the dominant role in BDSM, and the same story with submissive personality types. Neither of these is true! When first beginning your bondage adventure you and your partner may naturally slip into roles of who prefers to be the submissive in play and who prefers to be dominant. Or, it is completely normal to switch roles – one day you may want to be tied up and spanked, the next day you might want your partner to kneel on all fours and beg you to pleasure them.

Using the right equipment – bondage ideas and tools

Beginners bondage tools

How to use Handcuffs

Handcuffs are a simple yet sexy tool to use as your first step into the world of bondage. Warning, stay away from cheap metal cuffs! These can end up hurting your wrist, invest in a better quality material such as silicone, leather, faux fur or padded handcuffs.

How to use – Lock your hands behind your back, cuff your hands to the bed, or lock your hands above your head (or your partner’s hands) – the possibilities are endless. Decide what you and your partner want to do with your handcuffs before you whip them out. Why not try giving oral sex with your hands behind your back, or have them tie you to the bed and have their wicked way with you (no escape!).

We recommend – Silicone handcuffs with metal studs. These handcuffs made from body safe silicone are rubbery in texture as to not cut skin. The short link cord means you can easily be tied to a bedpost, desk or any other household furniture that takes your fancy. The metal studs allow you to adjust the cuffs tightness and experience the pleasure without having to worry about losing a key.

How to use Blindfolds

Subtle yet sensual, blindfolds are the secret little bit of satin that can heighten all of your senses. Delicate in appearance they are a great first item on your bondage list. As they are an object you are familiar with outside of the bedroom (sleep masks), they are not an intimidating starting point.

How to use: Blindfold your partner and make them lay on a bed while you caress and explore different areas of their body. It is amazing how heightened our other senses become  from losing our ability to see. Your partner won’t know what your next move is, will it be a lick, a tickle or a spank? And where? Try bringing in a new level of excitement and use a hot wax candle – the feeling of hot wax poured onto skin followed by a sensual massaged will drive your partner wild.

We recommend – Black plush mask – simple yet sexy!

How to use a Flogger/ Spanker

Do you like being spanked? Does spanking your partner make you harder than a sledgehammer or wetter than Thailand’s monsoon season? Why not spice things up by investing in a whip, spanker or tickler?

How to use: The beauty of a whip, spanker or tickler is the sensation provided is completely up to you. Whether you use it to gently stroke across your partner’s body or to crack a stinging flick across their bum, a flogger allows you to do both (remember to aim for the fatty lower part of your partners bum cheeks, avoiding the tailbone).

We recommend – Vibrator with suede tassel flogger whip. You can have double the fun with this vibrating whip. You can decide whether your partner has been naughty or nice… You can please them with the ribbed vibrating handle or spank them with the suede tassel whip.

Intermediate bondage tools

How to use Bed Restraints

The next step up from handcuffs has to be under the bed restraints. Take full control of your partner by tying them to each end of the bed using full body restraints – Hello spread eagle! Have them lie at your mercy while you decide how to pleasure or punish them. Tie them up and tease them to the edge of orgasm – only you control when they can release.

How to use – Place the bed restraint kit under your mattress and adjust the straps on the side to fit how tightly bound you want your lover to be. To get even naughtier make your submissive wear a blindfold for extrasensory deprivation.

We recommend – Under the mattress bed restraints with hogtie attachment. The detachable hogtie attachment makes these restraints more versatile and can be used in a variety of positions.

How to use Nipple clamps

Nipple clamps are the perfect line between pleasure and pain. Your breasts are a sensual pair of erogenous zones that should not be forgotten about during sex. If you like your nipples being sucked, pinched or even nibbled during sex it is likely you are going to love nipple clamps.

How to use: Nipple clamps work by applying pressure to the outside of the nipple and restricting the blood flow which causes a painful but pleasurable experience. Many nipple clamps allow you to control how tightly they fit around your nipples (a tighter clamp provides a more painful experience). Most nipple clamps are connected by a metal or leather chain, a heavier chain will create more pull and pressure on the nipples – more pressure means higher pain intensity.

We recommend – Nipple clamps with leather strapping. These clamps are perfect for beginners as they can be adjusted by a pin-screw to suit the wearer’s desires. The lighter leather chain is a good starting point for beginners. For extra pleasure try these adjustable vibrating nipple clamps. With seven speeds of vibration, these kinky clamps are sure to result in a nipplegasm.

How to use Mouth Gags

Bondage is all about restraint and restriction of senses. What better way to restrict your partner’s senses than to take away their ability to speak? If you have enjoyed your other BDSM games trying a mouth gag is the next step to cranking it up a notch. Some people love the restriction of their ability to speak – completely submitting to their partner. Others get aroused by seeing their partner gagged.

How to use: Be prepared to drool! The mouth gag will force your mouth open and limit your ability to swallow causing excessive saliva around the mouth. Stay hygienic and have your own mouth gag. Just as you wouldn’t share your toothbrush, don’t share your mouth gag.

We recommend – The Leather bit down gag. A bit down gag is the perfect starting point for beginners. The bit gag allows for more space in the mouth than a ball gag, so is easier for the wearer to breathe – but still limiting the submissives capability, producing naughty muffled moans and squeals.

How to use Collar’s and leads

Do you want to prove your complete submission to your partner? There is no better way to do this than with a lead and collar set. Slave collars are a symbol of ownership and vulnerability from the submissive partner to their dominant. Not only do slave collards look alluring and beautiful they are a symbol of power-exchange, trust, and commitment in a relationship. In some BDSM relationships wearing a collar has similar symbolic meaning to wearing a wedding ring (called being collared).

How to use: Know your neck size. Measuring and fastening your neck collar are important factors to consider when purchasing one. Use a flexible tape measure to measure the circumference of your neck around the widest part. Most collars are adjustable to fit most neck sizes but will provide a measurement of the collar in product details. Fasten your collar with your neck straight and head facing forwards and upright. Have your dominant fasten your collar or fit it in front of a mirror. For safety reasons, you should be able to fit two fingers under the collar all the way around. Bondage collars are designed to fit so you can breathe and swallow comfortably. Never wear a collar too tight or pull harshly on someone’s lead or collar! When choosing your collar you need to decide what functions you want it to have. If you want to add leads, restraints or nipple clamps, you want to look at a collar with an O-ring or D-ring attachment. Consider material; chose a material that you enjoy wearing against your skin, especially if you are planning on wearing your collar for long periods.

We recommend – The studded leather collar. This collar is made from genuine leather and the adjustable studs make it easy to adjust to fit most neck sizes. The metal O-ring attachment enables you to hook you or your partner up to a lead, rope, some restraints or any other kinky ideas you had in mind!

Advanced Bondage Tools

How to use Electra-stim sex toys

How can you make whips and chains even naughtier? You electrify them! Electra-stim products use electrical current to provide sexual stimulation. The electrical current stimulates your nerve endings making your muscles involuntarily clench – providing some of the most intense orgasms you’ve ever had. Whilst the thought of electrostimulated sex toys may have you closing your legs quicker than a nun on a Sunday, they aren’t as scary as they sound. With 24 different settings, you can have the electrical intensity as soft or as powerful as you like.

How to use: In your Electra-stim kit you have a stimulator control unit that provides you with all your tingly pulsations. Also in the kit are little electrodes that you stick on pleasurable areas of your body (always make sure they are below the waist) and connect to the stimulator – select the power levels you want and let the sparks create the magic.

We recommend – Electrastim Stimulator kit. This is the perfect pack for beginners. Small, slim and sexy this rechargeable model offers rhythmic and electro-stimulation in sync with your hand movements!

How to use a Chastity device

A male chastity device or cock cage is worn around the head of the penis and is held in place by a testicle ring. The device is locked and causes any form of erection for the wearer to be uncomfortable or even impossible! The chastity device is traditionally worn by the submissive in BDSM play as a symbol of offering control and power to their dominant. Chastity devices have many benefits from enhancing appreciation of sexual pleasure too increased sex drive.

How to use – Similar to a collar, measurement, and fitting are key. The general rule to follow is not too tight but not to lose. The ring section of the device should sit comfortably around the shaft and base of the penis, the penis should fit snugly length and diameter wise in the cage, but should not be too tight. There are four different types of cock cages; partially closed, completely closed open-ended and caged. Depending on how long you plan to keep your manhood hidden away and why will help you decide which cage best suits you. The longer you intend to wear your cage, the more ventilation you will need!

We recommend – for beginners try a silicone cock cage, this provides restriction with some very slight give making it more comfortable than a metal device. For more advanced users, we recommend a metal chastity device with a padlock for ultimate submission to your dom.

What is Bondage aftercare and why it is essential

Whilst safe words and sex toys are important, a key part of bondage play is still yet to come. The aftercare!

What is bondage aftercare?

Whilst bondage acts and play offers hours of endless fun it can also be physically and emotionally demanding. Bondage aftercare is essentially making sure you and your lover finish your play by looking after each others emotional and physical needs. Take time to help relax and wind down with your partner after an intense bondage session, checking in that the other one is feeling good.

How to provide aftercare

While we may want to be spanked and whipped by our partner during bondage play, this is often a far cry away from what we aspire our daily relationships to be like. During bondage play, we adopt different roles and when these roles are finished we need some aftercare to soothe and ease both ourselves and our partner back into normal life. Bondage aftercare can be placed into two categories physical and emotional.

Physical– When you are at the height of your sexy scenarios bondage play releases a rush of endorphins, so afterward you may feel a drop in mood and energy after you come down from your natural high. That’s why it is important to have food, water, and some warm comfy clothes to hand. Remove any gags, restraints or other bondage accessories you have used on your partner straight away after finishing. They may need you to run them a warm bath or give them a gentle massage (paying special attention to the areas marked during play – arnica cream is always handy to have nearby). Cuddle, kiss and caress your partner after a bondage session, the act of cuddling alone will release natural endorphins to balance levels back out.

Emotional– Discussing the events you and your partner have just shared together is essential. Talk over things you enjoyed, things you maybe didn’t enjoy so much and things you would like to try again. Check up on your partner and make sure they are feeling happy and well afterward.

So now you’ve got the tools, all that’s left to do is grab the leash and free your inner bondage beast!

A sexy weekend away with your other half is the perfect opportunity to practice your new skills and introduce bondage into the bedroom. Read our guide on how to plan the dirty weekend away to help you get started.

Other Bondage Essentials

  • Lubricant – Everything is better with lube. Try applying a small amount to nipple clamps or a vibrator and see how easily they slide. A lubricant is a must for any anal sex toys. We recommend water-based lubricant as this is safe to use with most sex toys.
  • Toy cleaner – Investing in a good toy cleaner is essential. Bondage items such as mouth gags and nipple clamps all need to be cleaned.
  • Sexy outfits – It doesn’t have to be PVC or leather to be sexy in the world of bondage. It is whatever you feel hottest in that is the best choice!

Discover our range of Bondage kits to really start indulging in this rewarding sexual play.

So go get your kink on with some bondage fun, remember communication is key! Love, the pulse and cocktails team.