Throuple: you’ve heard it on the internet, you’ve heard it in the media and now you want to know what the heck one is? Well, we are here to set the story straight on all things throuple and what does being in a throuple mean? A throuple is the term used to describe a romantic and sexual relationship between three people. Throuples don’t have any set boundaries on how they are made up or who can be involved in them. Any person, of any gender and any sexuality can be happily involved in a throuple.
That in mind, according to top psychologists most throuples involve one person joining an already happy couple (Reference 1). Being in a throuple does not necessarily mean you are in an open relationship, some throuples are open and some are closed. So what’s the difference between an open and a closed throuple (also known as a triad)?
Open Triad: In an open triad all partners are polyamorous and happy with all members of the triad having an open and romantic relationship with other people outside of the triad.
Closed Triad: A closed triad shares many similarities with a traditional two-person relationship; in that all members of the triad are intimately and romantically involved, but just between the three of them.
Mythbusters: A throuple is not just about sex and a throuple is not the same as a threesome. A threesome is a sexual experience shared between three people that is just sex. Whereas, a throuple is an ongoing bond and relationship between three people (Reference 2).
So, throuple, triad, vee, whatever you want to call it three is where the fun is at.
Keep reading to see what a real Throuple has to say to the questions we all want to ask!
Benefits of Being in a Throuple
Being in a throuple definitely has its benefits, what’s not to love? You’ve got thrice the excitement, thrice the intimacy and thrice the fun… Ooh yeah and 3X’s as long foreplay. So, if that’s not enough to convince you of how good being in a throuple can be here’s a list of our favourite perks!
- Added intimacy: you now get to share your love and sex life with not one but two people!
- Having the third person in a relationship can work as a “buffer” or “mediator”, helping to diffuse arguments before they blow out of proportion (Reference 1).
- Adding an extra person to the mix can open your relationship up to new and exciting experiences.
- Three people = 3x as many tongues, fingers and dangly bits = better, more intoxicating sex (it’s a no brainer really).
Problems a Throuple Relationship can Encounter
As with any relationship, a throuple will not be without it’s problems. Whilst having three people involved is great for added intimacy, three lots of emotions can take its toll on the relationship. Three people means that three lots of feelings, ideas, and emotions, and it is crucial to make sure everyone in the relationship feels their voice is being heard and their needs are being met.
As you may have guessed three people in a relationship opens the door to our old enemy, the green-eyed monster. Everyone gets jealous, it’s a natural human emotion, but sometimes feelings of jealousy can become extreme and negatively impact our daily life. If you are open to the idea of a throuple relationship or are planning on joining a triad, it is important to accept you may get jealous and have a plan on how you will cope with those unwanted emotions. Jealousy isn’t a wholly negative emotion, if we are jealous of our partners together it can mean that you love and care about them a lot. So, try to view these feelings in a positive light, remember they show you are emotionally invested in your relationship.
Tips on how to Make a Throuple Work
Whether you are already in a throuple, or are planning on forming a triple ripple; understanding three-way relationships is an essential part of ensuring you are involved in a healthy one. Obviously, every throuple is different with each relationship having unique boundaries and personalities involved. Nevertheless, there are some basic rules to stick too, that can help ensure you’re throuple is a happy one:
- Communication is key: In any polyamourous relationship open and honest conversations are essential. Always voice your feelings, if you are feeling left out let both your partners know.
- Lay down the ground rules: Before starting any triad, make sure you establish the do’s and don’ts in the relationship. The beauty of throuple’s is how fluid they can be, but it is essential that everyone understands any boundaries in the relationship; what is okay and what most definitely is not.
- No secrets allowed: Keeping secrets in a traditional two-way relationship is destructive enough, so throw them into a three-way relationship and you are just asking for disaster. As we said before, openness and honesty are crucial.
How are Modern Relationships Changing?
Modern relationships are blossoming, traditional monogamous relationships (commitment to one person at a time) are not for everyone, and the rest of the world needs to wake up and accept those facts. Thankfully, a lot of people are accepting these exciting changes, as we can see from polyamorous relationships getting more limelight in the media. Popular TV shows such as shameless and the politician, have been using three-way relationships as the basis for their plotlines (Reference 3). Throuples have also been a talking point of Hollywood celebs such as Willow Smith, who promoted polyamorous relationships when she said she would feel happy being in a polyamorous relationship with both a man and a woman, you go girl (Reference 4)!
Interview with a Throuple
We had a one to one chat with a lovely hot throuple, Gemma, Lauren and Dan. They have helped give us an insight into what it is like to be in a real-life throuple, talking us through the positive, the benefits and any struggles they have come up against.
1) Please introduce yourselves individually (Age, Gender, Sexual Orientation, Occupation, General bit about yourself)
Lauren: I’m Lauren, I’m a 24 year old bisexual female. I work as a staff nurse in the NHS.
Dan: I’m Dan, I’m a 23 year old straight male, I currently work in retail however I’m working towards a career in photography.
Gemma: Hi, I’m Gemma and I’m 23 years old. I identify as bisexual. I’m a nurse in A&E, I love the fact that I never know what patients I am going to see on a shift. I love spending time at home with our two dogs Obie and Moose.
2) How did you become a throuple?
Dan: We became a throuple after a series of drunken threesomes started becoming more regular and eventually started happening sober. We’d had an agreement that if anyone started to get feelings we would call off the arrangement, however we all seemed to develop feelings roughly at the same time, so everything sort of led from there.
3) Are you allowed to date other people outside the throuple?
Lauren: Due to us never actively looking for a third partner we hadn’t really thought about it, but we did all sit down pretty early on in the relationship and said that we would be a closed triad. Me and Dan never wanted to stop Gemma from finding someone else and having a monogamous relationship, but she made it clear that our little triad was what she wanted and me and Dan were both happy with that.
4) What has been the hardest thing to overcome as a throuple?
Gemma: I think for me, and I think Lauren and Dan would agree; the most difficult thing would have been the jealousy aspect at the beginning of the relationship. It’s hard when you’ve been in monogamous relationships all your life to get used to sharing someone you love. However this does get way easier with time…providing you communicate A LOT.
Lauren: Probably people’s perceptions that it’s just sex or that we are sex mad, or that Dan has a lot of money. Some people thought that me and Dan were unhappy together but didn’t want to lose each other so we added a third partner. This is completely untrue, seeing the people you love the most have love to offer to other people is amazing and it just makes you love them more. For me personally, it was not only coming out to my mum as polygamous but also as bisexual, she took it all in her stride and was far more accepting than I thought.
Dan: For me personally it was telling family, half of them have taken it really well and we’re just curious as to how it works, the other half didn’t take it as well.
5) If the two of you argue, what does the third person do? Do they stay neutral?
Dan: Generally yeah, they’d stay neutral unless someone’s obviously in the wrong, I find it helps because if two people disagree, odds are, you’re in the wrong.
6) Are your feelings towards each other all mutual or do you find that you connect better with one partner more than the other?
Dan: Initially I’d say there were stronger relationships between me and Lauren, and Lauren and Gemma, mainly due to Gemma never having being with a man before and obviously me and Lauren had been together for 6 years prior. Now though, I’d definitely say it’s equal throughout the three of us.
Gemma: My feelings towards Lauren and Dan are both the same. However, we connect with each other in different ways, me and Dan both enjoy photography and obviously me and Lauren both share the same career so we can connect about that.
Lauren: At first this was hard as me and Dan had so much history having been together for 6 years before we became a three. However, now it feels like I’ve been with them both for a lifetime. Me and Gemma bond over work and girly things. Dan and Gemma both share a love for games and photography, and Me and Dan are complete opposites but we just work well together.
7) What is your favourite part of being in a throuple?
Lauren: Always being surrounded by your best mates, sharing life with them in every way. The sex isn’t bad either.
Dan: For me it’s having twice the affection, having two people love you enough to want to spend every day with you is insane.
(Pictured from left to right Lauren, Dan, Gemma)
8) Do you have a rule about who can have sex with who?
Gemma: We don’t have any rules in this regard, if me and dan want to have sex but Lauren doesn’t she’s happy for me and Dan to spend some time alone. Even if she’s at home. I know a lot of throuples have the rule that they only have sex as a three but this would be far too difficult for us as we all work different shifts. Plus it’s sometimes nice to have one on one time with one of your partners.
Lauren: Not really, due to us all working full time its hard to find the right time when we aren’t all too tired to have sex, being an adult sucks. But we do try to have sex in twos and when we can as a three. We don’t have to tell each other when we have sex but we try not to purposely excluded anyone, communication is key.
9) Do you know any other throuples? Do you ever struggle for relationship advice?
Gemma: I know of other throuples online but I’ve never met/spoken to any of them. Relationship advice was hard to find at the beginning (when we needed it most),, so a lot of things have been trial and error. The best advice I could think of, as simple as it is; just make sure you’re constantly communicating, even if you think it might be difficult for the other two people to hear.
10) Do you plan on having children? If so, who would carry the child/children? How would you explain the dynamic to the children?
Lauren: Yes we do plan on having children, we have discussed this at length and decided that me and Gemma will have one each (that way we don’t have to buy a minivan). Children are very accepting as their normal is whatever their home situation is. I don’t think they would really notice a difference until they started school. There are so many different family set ups now that there aren’t many nuclear families left. Our niece and nephew don’t know the difference, they call us all either auntie or uncle.
11) Do you ever try to make time for your individual partners or do you always make date days/nights as a throuple?
Lauren: We always try to do something all together on our days off but due to busy schedules there are often times when just two of us are together so we might have a last minute date but these don’t tend to be planned.
12) What’s your advice for a couple who are looking to introduce a third person into their relationship?
Dan: Make sure it’s right for you. Me and Lauren had always been pretty open, so we knew it wouldn’t be much of an issue, but definitely make sure it’s what you want, otherwise so much could go wrong.
Lauren: You need to be ready for the change, it’s massive! Jealousy is the biggest demon. This kind of decision can make or break even the strongest of relationships but if it works, it works.
13) What’s your advice for a single person going into an already coupled relationship?
Gemma: Tell the two people who are already in a relationship when you’re feeling like you’re not equal in the relationship. I felt like this a bit at the beginning but didn’t tell either Lauren or Dan that I was feeling like this. Once I’d told them they were brilliant in reassuring me that we were all as equally important within the dynamics of the relationship.
14) How do you deal with jealousy within the relationship?
Dan: Communication, it’s a massive thing in any relationship, even more so in a throuple, there’s 4 relationships to work round, there’s me and Lauren, me and Gemma, Gemma and Lauren and then the three of us. If there was no communication it would just fall apart.
Gemma: Communication, for sure. And making sure we do still get one on one time. Lauren and Dan had to learn to share each other at the beginning so I feel like most of the jealousy came from them two. However I was and still am at times jealous about how much history they have. However, I know that this is something that can’t be changed and so it bothers me less and less now.
15) What is the thing you dislike the most about how others view your relationship?
Lauren: That it’s purely sexual. Other people’s judgmental opinions used to bother me but now I just don’t care. Their view isn’t going to change mine. I’m not trying to push polyamory onto other people, if you don’t like it then just keep your opinions to yourself.
16) If anyone from the relationship was to leave would you ever introduce another third person or would you feel happy to remain as a couple?
Dan: I personally wouldn’t actively look for another person to involve, however I definitely wouldn’t rule it out, it would depend on if someone came along that was right for either me and Lauren or me and Gemma.
Gemma: I’d feel more than happy to remain as a couple rather than introducing another third member. However being bisexual I obviously enjoy sex with men and women so I’d miss having sex with that gender of whoever left the relationship.
17) Do you find sex in a throuple more fun than sex in a couple?
Gemma: Personally I do, there’s just a whole lot more things you can do, I also find that foreplay lasts longer which is always nice.
Lauren: It’s definitely different, it does give you more variety in the bedroom. Being bisexual and having a male and female partner satisfies my needs for both. We still have sex even when there are only 2 of us, which can be easier as there are only 2 people to worry about. If anyone wanted to try a threesome I would definitely recommend it.
Dan: It’s a different dynamic, there’s obviously the fun side of more people and and there’s still a connection and bond when it’s the three of us, but sometimes you also need that one on one with someone as well.
18) Do you use sex toys, if so, when do you find that you use them the most?
Gemma: We use sex toys sometimes, mostly when we know we have the time to enjoy them. For example, if we were all at home and had the evening off of work.
Dan: Yeah, mainly when the three of us are together or if it’s just Lauren and Gemma.
Lauren: This depends on who are having sex, me and Gem use different toys to those that we use with Dan and vice versa. We love to use them during foreplay as this can be exciting, it’s also great if someone is watching so they can have some fun themselves.
19) What is your most used sex toy?
Dan: For the three of us probably any kind of vibrator, it means that someone’s always getting some kind of pleasure when the three of us are together, When it’s me and Lauren or Gemma as a couple it’s probably again a vibrator, mainly a little bullet just for an extra dimension to it, and I can’t really answer for what Lauren and Gemma use when they’re together but I guess they have a few more options.
Lauren: My top 2 would be our rabbit style vibrator or a strapless strap on.
Gemma: Vibrators are always going to be at the top for their versatility. With Dan I’d say it was a vibrating cock ring and with Lauren it’s probably just a normal vibrator of our vibrating strapless strap-on. However we do have a whole load of more exotic sex toys they just don’t tend to make it out of the box as often in the heat of the moment.
Sex Toys To Use As A Throuple
Discover our wide range of Sex Toys to enhance your Throuple!
The rabbit vibrator is possibly the most popular sex toy of all time and for good reason, it’s the ultimate 2-in-1. This vibrating little bunny penetrates the vagina with its phallic-shaped shaft, whilst delivering intensely pleasurable vibrations to the clitoris. The rabbit vibrator can be used in foreplay, or during intercourse to add extra sensations into the mix.
The best rabbit vibrator for beginners is our Pink Pleasure Bunny which is USB rechargeable £39.95.
For those who are more adventurous, we recommend our Seduction G-Spot Vibrator which is USB rechargeable £119 with revolutionary suction technology to delight the clitoris.
Strapless Strap On
Whatever your gender or sexual preference strap ons are pleasurable for everyone. This remote control vibrating strapless strap-on is perfect for three people to use, one can be penetrated, the other can be the penetrator and the other person can control the vibrations; so, everyone can get involved in the fun. If you find the idea of a throuple exciting but are not ready to add an extra person into your relationship, a strap on is a great sex toy to try.
Try our Strapless strap on the Double Rider £99.95 with remote control perfect for all types of play and all types of couples.
Our Hollow Vibrating Strap On £39.95 is amazing for those with a penis wearing it as well as the person receiving it. The vibrations you will feel will make you tingle! A hollow strap on is also an amazing toy to use for those who may struggle with erections.
Pocket-sized, powerful and portable; the bullet vibe is small enough to pack in your handbag but powerful enough to make your orgasm all night long. Designed for external use only, the bullet delivers immense pleasure when rubbed along the clitoris. Don’t let the fun stop there, try running the bullet along with other sexy body parts such as the nipples; for a blow job he will never forget run the bullet along his gooch (the bit between his balls and his bottom) next time you go down on him.
For those who are just starting to explore the magic world of vibrators, a bullet is the great first buy. The perfect beginners’ bullet is our Mini Vibrator with 1 Speed £9.95
However, if you can we advise taking the leap and falling in love with our My.Toy Wireless Bullet which is USB Rechargeable £49.95 with 20 modes of vibration you’re not going to regret it!
Vibrators, the simple yet sexy tool to spice up your sex life. Vibez can be used for both internal and external stimulation, essentially a rabbit without the bunny ears. They come in many different shapes and styles; if you are after some G-spot stimulation go for a vibrator with a bendy shaft to reach that sweet spot.
Bigger than a bullet but not too big that your going to worry what to do, our Small G-Spot Vibrator £59.95 is the perfect next buy!
For those ready to take more length and enjoy the toe-curling venture of a curved vibrator our Alfred Vibrator is the one to go to.+
Vibrating Cock Ring
A vibrating cock ring is the perfect couples toy. Ideally designed for one member of a relationship to have a penis. Place the cock ring at the bottom of the shaft (where it meets the balls), this will increase blood flow to the penis and provide the wearer with stronger and firmer erections. Now a vibrating cock ring does all this, whilst delivering intense vibrations to both the wearer of the ring and the person being penetrated.
Dip into the world of even better orgasms and slip on our Vibrating Stamina Ring with One Speed £12.95.
The Oh Ring Rechargeable Vibrating Love Ring £39.95 is one of our all-time best selling products for good reason. Stimulating the clitoris when worn during penetration be it a penis or a dildo!
Can A Throuple Relationship Really Work?
A throuple can be an amazing and enriching experience for everyone involved. Having three people in a relationship can add intimacy, excitement and so much more. If you are thinking of entering into a throuple, it is important to make sure you are fully ready and understand any emotional obstacles you may have to overcome, as in any relationship. Overall though we love throuples, whoever said three is a crowd has obviously never tried a threesome.
It’s safe to see people are becoming more fluid with their sexuality, as the boundaries surrounding traditional relationships disappear. Not that there’s anything wrong with a two-person relationship, heck all love is fantastic and we can’t wait to see what the future brings.
At Pulse and Cocktails we believe (you+you+me=happy), they say happiness is multiplied when divided so who’s to say that’s not the same in relationships.
We hope this blog has helped you get clued up on all things throuple. However many people are involved in your relationship make sure to always remember your sex essentials; LUBE, TOY CLEANER, and CONDOMS.
Come into one of our many sex stores located across the UK to discover sex toys that will get your senses tingling. Can’t find the time to come in? Order online and use our super discreet online delivery service where you can have your parcel delivered in brandless packaging to your home or one of 11,000 post office and collection point locations. Click here to find out how you can get your parcel conveniently and discreetly.
Aryelle Siclait (2019). Why Being In A Throuple Could Be Your Best Relationship Ever. [online] Women’s Health. Available at: https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a27346835/what-is-a-throuple-relationship/ [Accessed 13 Dec. 2019]. (Reference 1)
Smith, E.W. (2019). Rep. Katie Hill Was Allegedly In A “Throuple” — Just Like Many Millennials & Gen Z. [online] Refinery29.com. Available at: https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2019/10/8618759/what-is-throuple-relationship [Accessed 13 Dec. 2019]. (Reference 2)
Bendix, T. (2016). The “Shameless” Polyamorous Throuple Next Door. [online] NBC News. Available at: https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/shameless-polyamorous-throuple-next-door-n657581 [Accessed 13 Dec. 2019].
Silvia, E. (2019). Polyamorous Throuple: 5 Things To Know About The Relationship Willow Smith Wants To Explore. [online] Hollywood Life. Available at: https://hollywoodlife.com/feature/what-is-a-polyamorous-throuple-relationship-polyamory-3648871/ [Accessed 13 Dec. 2019].