The Ultimate Student Sex Guide

Freshers Week 101

Are you merely days away from packing up half your bedroom and getting ready for your first day of university life? It’s natural to be experiencing both types of butterflies; the good type you feel when you’re buzzing with excitement, and the type of nervous energy you get when doing something life-changing, so we’re making one part easier with the ultimate guide to student sex!

University life is often referred to as ‘higher education’ for a reason, offering you so much more than academic knowledge. Whilst this is now the part where other advice pages (probably with a more straight-laced approach) talk about how the next 3 or 4 years will mold you in many other ways to provide you with an overall life-enhancing experience (all true!), not only have you most likely read that many times over, you’ve probably already gathered that Pulse & Cocktails’ approach is to specialise in the more raunchier side of life … which, just let us be clear: doesn’t have to be a part of student life, but it can be.

Fresher’s Week is undoubtedly a great idea, the orientation events in the day helping students to find their feet on campus before the academic calendar starts. You may be aware that it often doesn’t end when the staff go home and the sun has gone down. It’s time to truly meet the neighbors, cheers!

Although you’re under no obligation to participate, night-time revelry will likely take place in some form – be it in the student bar, exploring the city/town you’ve just moved to, or both. There’s every chance alcohol will form part of the festivities … for most. However, if for any reason you don’t fancy drinking alcohol, be true to yourself and stick to the soft drinks.

For some, another main ingredient of campus life is sex; sometimes due to a campus romance, other times with no strings attached. Just like with the partying and alcohol, it’s not a part of life you have to experience if you don’t want to. There will be people on campus who have more sexual experience than you, less sexual experience than you and people who’s sexual experiences are roughly the same as your own. The whole spectrum, people who are:

• Sexually active and yes, have learned a few moves their partner(s) may appreciate.
• Virgin or not, those who are making boasts they really shouldn’t (we’re thinking Jay from the sitcom The Inbetweeners).
• People who have yet to lose their virginity.
• People who are still waiting for that special someone to share their first kiss with.
• Asexual: ‘not having or causing sexual feelings.’ (Reference 1)

The aim of this guide is to help you form the knowledge and confidence to navigate part(s) of what this new chapter in your life may entail (with an emphasis on the ‘may’), and reinforce the only cast-iron rule you need to carry with you as you meet and socialise with new people. Remember, only involve yourself in a situation that you are comfortable with and if your gut is telling you to take a step back, it’s your best friend so listen to it.

How to have student sex

Wow! Not really a one-size-fits-all answer to this weighty question as every student will be beginning university life with a different backstory, different sexual experiences (if any) and diverse attitudes about the very nature of sex.

Even if you don’t picture yourself engaging in sexual relations, life is nothing but unpredictable so we advise you to prepare for the unexpected by owning the following essential (and yes, inexpensive) items:

Student sex essentials:

1. Condoms: we advise you to get familiar with condoms as they are arguably the most important sex-aid you will ever own. They are simple to use (see our ‘How to put on a condom’ section further down) and condoms are the only contraceptive method that helps to prevent both pregnancies and STI’s (sexually transmitted infections).

Only use condoms that have the British Standards Institution (BSI) kitemark, or the EU-wide CE mark that shows the product has met the standards demanded by the Medical Device Directive. Do not use condoms that don’t carry either of these accreditations.

Skins Natural Condoms – 16 Pack £9.95

Skins motto best sums up the importance of condoms: “Never Go In Without A Skin”.

• Made from natural rubber latex.
• No traditional latex ‘condom’ smell.
• Skins natural condoms are as thin as other leading brands specially marketed “thin” or “extra-thin” condoms.
• Extra lubrication for added comfort and durability.
• Natural feeling.
• CE certified.

2. Lubricant (aka ‘lube’): if you’re not in the know (and that’s cool if you aren’t), lube is a lot, lot, lot more popular than you think. Not just a small bottle of thick and slippery gel used by senior citizens and anyone engaging in anal sex, lubricant is designed to enhance the moisture our bodies naturally produce in-and-around our genitals when sexually aroused. This ensures everything slides-n-glides more freely down there; be it your partner’s intimate bits or a sex toy.

Love Lube Sensual Water Based Lubricant 100ml £6

Our very own Love Lube range is available in several varieties (anal lube, tingle sensation lube, edible cherry flavoured lube) but our original water-based lubricant is still a customer favourite; unlike oil-based and silicone-based lubricants, water-based lubricant is the only type of lube that can boast it’s safe to use with all adult toy materials. Arguably a bigger boast is that it’s 100% condom friendly, unlike oil-based lubricants and products (including Vaseline, lotion and moisturiser) which, if used with a condom, can damage the condom’s material, reducing its effectiveness against unplanned pregnancies and STI’s.

• Travel size; fits into your hand luggage easily.
• Phthalates free. Parabens free.
• Suitable for both vaginal and anal penetrative sex.
• Suitable for use with adult toys (compatible with all toy materials).
• Safe to use with condoms.

Both condoms and lube have a long shelf life (usually 18 – 24 months, sometimes longer, the expiry date will be visible on the foil wrapper/bottle). So, if you’re months into university life and you haven’t involved yourself in any sexual activity do not discard these items, they may come in handy when you least expect it (however, if the expiry date for either of these items has passed, dispose of them and seek fresh supplies).

Your dorm or mine?

In your dorm? In their dorm? In his dorm? In her dorm? Ahhhh! So many variables to consider.

Try to relax. When it comes to where the sex will take place, there are no fixed rules. It’s not a football fixtures list where one week you play at home and the next week you play away, although if both parties are happy with this arrangement then, by all means, play ball.

Sex is sometimes a spur of the moment thing, other times you will get plenty of notice. However, all roads lead back to earlier’s iron rule about not doing anything you’re not entirely comfortable with, and that includes ‘anywhere’ the ‘anything’ may take place.

If the person you fancy has a dorm room that, for whatever reason, doesn’t put you in the mood to be intimate with them, then it’s a no brainer: suggest your room … on the condition that your room is noticeably more inviting.

It might be a bit cliche but you won’t go wrong if you make your room cosy; creating dim lighting by only using the light above the sink in your room (if applicable), or candles … make sure they won’t set off the smoke detectors in your room and by extension, the entire building. Music playing in the background always helps, a surplus of comfy pillows and cushions can be a game-changer; if you’re comfortable with taking things further (and they are too) do it in comfort.

In a single bed?

The likelihood is your dorm room will provide you with a single bed, enough space for most 18 – 25-year-old couples to have sex and cuddle up together afterwards.

For the pillow talk, it might be beneficial if one of you lies on your side … (we told you those pillows and cushions would come in handy!) … what, no cushions? Roll up a couple of hooded tops and drop a hint to either mum or dad asap.

How do I know if I want to have sex?

Finding someone sexually desirable is one of our most basic animal instincts, up there with feeling hungry or thirsty, so unless you’re asexual you will most definitely know if you want to have sex with someone.

There is a world of difference between:

• Finding someone attractive from afar but discovering there is zero chemistry when you try to engage them in conversation.
• Getting to know someone who you not only find physically attractive but there is an undeniable spark when you interact. Even if it’s only brief contact like regularly bumping into them in the corridors on the way to a lecture, it might not seem like much but it’s a good foundation for future possibilities.

How to escalate

If you get the strong impression that you and this other person really are two peas in a pod and the urge to become more intimate with them is strong, then our advice is to try and keep a lid on this emotion for just a little while longer. No, we’re not trying to drive you insane, but may we suggest the pair of you go on a few dates or outings before doing anything sexual together.

The weather is still warm(ish) during a typical British September, make the date a relaxed affair by suggesting a bike ride around the city/town, stopping off somewhere casual for food and drink. Not only do the pair of you get to know each other even better than you do already, but you also get to know your new home even better too if you’ve moved to a different city. This sort of date also strips away any potential awkwardness that may occur if you arrange to go on a more formal date in the future.

If you’re not in the mood, how to reject an advancement

It doesn’t matter if you know this person really well or you have never met them before, no means no.

Even if you have slept with this person before, if you don’t want to have sex with them you don’t have to. No still means no.

You will discover that a simple and polite “no thanks” is normally enough to be understood by your admirer, resulting in both of you going about your day with neither person offended.

However, there will be the odd occasion where “no thanks” has not ended the exchange. If this other person persists, even though you are clearly not interested, let them know in strong and clear terms that no means no.

If this other person is still persisting, and quite frankly, it’s now becoming uncomfortable, warn them that if they do not stop  you will report them to the relevant body, whether that be:

• The university’s Student Union and/or Student Welfare Officer or similar (not every university will have the same set-up but they will definitely have a staff member or department/body to ensure incidents of a serious nature – like the one described above – are properly dealt with).
• Bar staff/security (it might not happen on campus, this other person might not be a student; just a random stranger you crossed paths with on a night out).
• The police (if persistence has become harassment).

Birth control options

Normally it’s unwise to make assumptions, but by virtue of the fact you’re on the verge of spending the next 3 to 4 years of your life trying to get a university degree, we’re going to assume that getting pregnant (or assisting your partner in becoming pregnant) may not be part of the plan at this stage of your life.

While life can often have little regard for our best-laid plans, using contraceptives during periods of sexual activity is a reliable way of making the odds of an unplanned pregnancy highly unlikely. (no contraception method has a 100% success rate, but if used correctly all contraception methods have a success rate that is at least 95% effective, depending on which one you opt for).

Below is a brief guide to contraceptive options:

Condoms

‘Condoms are the only type of contraception that can both prevent pregnancy and protect against sexually transmitted infections (STI’s).’ (Reference 2) Latex-free condoms are available from some outlets if either the wearer of the condom or their partner has a latex allergy.

Do not use the same condom more than once, after the condom has been used it must be discarded. Even if only a few seconds have passed since you had sex (and used that condom) you still cannot re-use that condom. Oh, and don’t flush it down the toilet, it will only clog up the plumbing, bin it.

Instructions on how to correctly put on both types of condom – male and female – can be found further down.

Male condoms

‘When used correctly every time you have sex, male condoms are 98% effective.’ (Reference 3)

Female condoms

‘If used correctly, female condoms are 95% effective.’ (Reference 4)

Made from the same materials as a male condom with the same general rules; only use once, don’t flush down the toilet, etc.

The combined oral contraceptive pill (aka ‘the pill’) for Women

‘When taken correctly, the pill is over 99% effective at preventing pregnancy.’ (Reference 5) Does not offer protection against STI’s.

The pill works by preventing the ovaries from releasing an egg each month and thickening the mucus in the womb, making it harder for sperm to penetrate the womb and reach the egg.

The pill is consumed orally. 1 pill must be taken every day for 21 consecutive days before stopping for 7 consecutive days. Then you start the cycle again. This cycle cannot be broken. For maximum effect, on the days you are required to take a pill, have it at the same time every day.

Side effects can include headaches, mood swings, nausea.

The Nexplanon (aka ‘the contraceptive implant’) for Women

‘The implant is more than 99% effective’ and lasts for 3 years. (Reference 6)

The implant is a small plastic rod that’s placed under the skin in your upper arm, releasing the hormone progestogen into your bloodstream.

Like ‘the pill’, it works by preventing the ovaries from releasing an egg each month and thickening the mucus in the womb, making it harder for sperm to penetrate the womb and reach the egg.

Side effects can include headaches, mood swings, nausea and breast tenderness for the first few months.

The contraceptive injection for Women

‘If used correctly, the contraceptive injection is more than 99% effective.’ (Reference 7)

Identical in many respects to the contraceptive implant (see above), the contraceptive injection releases the hormone progestogen into your bloodstream. This action prevents the release of an egg each month. Where it differs from ‘the pill’ and ‘the implant’ is it thickens the cervical mucus, making it difficult for sperm to travel through the cervix, and makes the womb’s lining thinner to reduce the chances of a fertilised egg implanting itself.

Side effects can include headaches, mood swings, breast tenderness, irregular bleeding and weight gain.

Like ‘the pill’ and ‘the implant’, this method of contraception is only effective if taken by a person who was born into a body that had a vagina at the time of their birth (and their body still has that same vagina).

Contraceptive Disclaimer

The above is a guide to some options of contraception only. It is not to be taken as advice and is for informational purposes only. When considering what contraception is best for you, always visit your local GP and follow their advice.

How to put on a condom

Male/penile condom

1. Carefully remove the condom from its foil wrapper. Do not tear the condom under any circumstances (watch out for jewellery, nails, etc), if you suspect this has happened, discard the compromised condom and use a brand new one.
2. Squeeze any air out of the teated end and put the condom on to the erect penis before any contact has been made with your partner’s vagina or anus.
3. If rolling it down the penis is proving difficult there is a chance it might be inside out. Unfortunately, this means the condom’s effectiveness has been compromised. In this situation, we advise you to discard this condom and use a new one.
4. Roll the condom down the shaft of the penis.
5. After ejaculation; before the penis goes soft, withdraw from your partner, keep hold of the condom-covered penis throughout and go slow to reduce the risk of sperm dripping out.
6. Bin the condom. Don’t flush it down the toilet, your plumbing will not appreciate it.
7. Never reuse condoms. If you have sex again, use a new condom. (Reference 8)

Female/vaginal condom

Worn inside the vagina to prevent sperm from getting to the womb (exactly like a condom that acts as a sheath over an erect penis).

1. Squeeze the smaller ring at the closed end of the condom and insert it into the vagina.
2. Ensure the larger ring at the open end of the condom covers the area around the vagina’s entrance.
3. Make sure the penis goes into the condom, not in between the condom and the vaginal wall.
4. After ejaculation, the penis must withdraw from the vagina in the same way as described in the instructions on how to put on a male/penile condom (step 5, see above).
5. After sex, remove the condom instantly. Some users will twist the large ring to prevent sperm from spilling out.
6. Dispose of this condom exactly like a male/penile condom; asap, and don’t flush it down the toilet. (Reference 9)
7. Never reuse condoms. If you have sex again, use a new condom.

How to avoid getting an STI?

The best ways to avoid getting STI’s (sexually transmitted infections) are:

• a) Abstaining from sex altogether, or
• b) Using a condom every time you have sex, even if you’re using another contraceptive method (as mentioned previously within this guide, a condom is the only contraceptive method that helps to prevent pregnancy and offer users protection from STI’s)

Even if you and your partner do use condoms every time you have sex and are having sexual relations strictly with each other, we recommend you both get regularly tested for STI’s anyway, it helps to eliminate unexpected surprises (stranger things have happened).

There is a third way to avoid getting an STI but it requires a bit more effort, a lot more trust and (in our opinion) is not as reliable as the above two methods …

If for whatever reason both you and your partner would prefer a contraceptive method alternative to condoms while remaining sexually active (a few of the most common contraceptive methods were covered earlier in this guide, see above), the only way you and your partner can drastically reduce the chances of either of you catching an STI is to:

1. Both you and your partner get yourself tested for STI’s before you have sex.
2. Assuming both of your test results come back as ‘negative’ (meaning neither of you has an STI, you both have a clean bill of sexual health) begin a sexual relationship together.
3. Stay faithful to one another, and even then both of you should get yourself regularly tested and show each other the latest test result.

Hey, we did say it required a bit more effort, nevertheless, if using condoms is not an option some may find it to be an option that best suits their needs.

What are the most common STI’s?

STI’s are infections that are mostly passed on by an exchange of fluids during sex; oral, vaginal and anal.

The most common STI’s are:

• Genital herpes.
• Chlamydia.
• Gonorrhea.
• Thrush.
• Syphilis.
• Hepatitis B.
• Genital warts and/or Human Papillomavirus (HPV); some forms of HPV can cause cervical cancer.
• Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV); if left untreated will develop into AIDS.

Scarily some STI symptoms aren’t noticeable until it’s too late (months, sometimes years after the person has been infected) which is why it’s extremely important to get yourself regularly tested for STI’s even if you have the slightest doubt about a sexual encounter you have had recently or many moons ago.

Not all STI’s can be cured with antibiotics. Some STI’s can only be treated with medication to suppress the symptoms and make the condition easier to live with (HIV being the most noted example).

Bluntly speaking, some symptoms will affect someone’s ability to get pregnant, other symptoms pose a risk of being passed down to children who are born with a condition one of their parent’s had. So, stay smart in regards to your sexual health.

Where can you get checked for an STI?

Some GP surgeries offer STI testing, as do some community contraceptive clinics. You will find some pharmacies offering to test for chlamydia.

But hands-down, the most comprehensive place to get tested for STI’s is at an NHS Sexual Health Clinic. If you are studying in the UK, you can find your nearest Sexual Health Clinic by visiting the NHS website (www.nhs.uk) and using their ‘Find STI testing and treatment services’ facility, or you can simply access it by clicking here.

The Best Sex Toys for Students

Now that you’ve covered all the bases and you’ve decided you’re going to go the full way with someone (or fancy an incredible night in by yourself), let’s talk about maximum PLEASURE! 

My First Vibrator (£8.95)

Do you want great orgasms for an affordable price? Then look no further. My first vibrator is a great entry-level sex toy that won’t break the bank. We recommend this sex toy for beginners wanting to give themselves an extra orgasm or 5.

• Easy to use and traditional style vibrator.
• Jelly-feel and soft squeezable texture.
• Phallic-shaped with a pronounced juicy tip and slightly ribbed.
• Gives out a strong vibration.
• Multi-speed; intensity can be heightened and lowered.

Pleasure bunny vibrator (£11.95)

Well, if you don’t find anyone that tickles your fancy, we’ve got something that will tickle something else instead! Our Pleasure bunny stimulates the clitoris as well as penetrating the vaginal opening, meaning a win-win for the pleasure-meter. This product will stimulate all areas giving you better orgasms, I mean who doesn’t want that? If you’re unsure which is the best rabbit vibrator for you, read our ultimate guide to rabbit vibrators blog here.

• Traditional style rabbit vibrator and easy to use.
• Rabbit eared clitoral stimulator near base of shaft.
• Capable of intense multi-speed vibrations (rabbit ears only).
• Non-vibrating and non-rotating shaft.
• Finally, the Pleasure Bunny has a squeezable jelly-feel.

Groove touch (£19.95)

If a phallus-shaped sex toy isn’t your thing, then opting for our pocket-sized groove touch vibrator boasting 12 modes of vibration guarantees you a good time. This silky smooth silicone vibrator also has a wireless remote so why not venture outdoors and let someone control your pleasure in public!

• Pocket size vibrator, keep it in your handbag at all times.
• Suitable for both internal and external stimulation.
• Silky smooth silicone feels gorgeous to touch.
• Indented grooves etched into the toy for enhanced pleasure.
• 12 modes of vibration; multiple speeds, pulsations, escalations.
• The wireless remote control allows ‘wearer’ and ‘controller’ to use the toy whilst being several yards apart.
• Fun around the home, devilishly fun outdoors.

Vibrating ribbed butt plug (£14.95)

This very interestingly shaped anal toy is perfect for both beginners and experienced anal play explorers. Need to keep the noise down? No problem, this anal vibrator boasts 12 powerful vibration settings AND is incredibly quiet!

• Great for beginners and experienced users alike.
• Generously ribbed via a 5 bulb design.
• Bulbs gradually expand the further you go down the shaft.
• 12 modes of vibration; multiple speeds, pulsations, escalations.
• Wired remote control, simple to use.
• Made from smooth silicone, as squeezable as a jelly toy.

Realistic Fake Pussy Masturbator (£17.95)

Where the above are usually catered towards females, do not fear – men we have not forgotten about you! The fake pussy masturbator is designed to be as close to the real thing as possible, with an ultra-tight fit. Don’t worry about the usual messy clean up afterward either, this realistic masturbator is easy to clean, just reverse the skin and clean with toy cleaner.

• Hand-held masturbator (vagina) for cock-hugging indulgence.
• Ultra-tight fit, seductively smooth real-feel texture.
• Compact size allows it to travel with you on the road.
• Includes a multi-speed vibrating bullet (wired remote control).
• The bullet can be used with the vagina or used separately for some other purpose.

5 Sexual Health Top Tips for Students

• Be protected – always wear a condom. Even if you’re on contraception, to avoid STI’s.
• Use lubricant to prevent tears or dryness within the genitals
• Get tested – between sexual partners always (more on that below)
• Limit alcohol and other substances consumption. This helps to make better decisions and you’ll have better judgment.
• Communication with your sexual partner. Although it can be quite embarrassing it’s always good to ask your sexual partner if they’ve been tested recently. Explain it’s not because you don’t trust them, it’s just so you can be safe.

FAQ’s

I really fancy my housemate can I sleep with them?

Fancy your new housemate? It’s okay, it happens to the best of us. The next question is – should you go there? Ultimately, only you can answer that but it’s important to take into consideration what yours and your housemate’s intentions are. If you’re both clear

it’s just some fun and you can handle them being with other people in the future, go for it. If not, be honest and make your feelings clear, the last thing you want to do is fall out with a housemate or be on different pages.

What do I do if the other person doesn’t have any condoms?

Try and be prepared yourself, your sexual health should be your priority taking condoms with you in your wallet or purse.

Where can I get condoms from?

When youre at University you can get condoms from something called a ‘freshers fair’. Freshers fairs are usually hosted at the University main campus and should be able to find a sexual health clinic stall along with other stalls. Though it may be a little embarrassing just go up to the stall and ask them.

How long do I have to wait after sex to get checked?

It can take up to 2 weeks after sex with a new partner for gonorrhea and chlamydia to show on a test, so we recommend testing after this. unless you have any symptoms in which case come to a clinic ASAP. (9)

For HIV testing you can get some reassurance by a result if you test 4 weeks after sex, however, we would advise all patients to test again for HIV and Syphilis 12 weeks after sex the result will be much more accurate.

Where can I get check if I’m worried about an STI?

The UK has Sexual health clinics and GUM clinics to visit so you can get checked if you need to. (10) Visit here to find your closest GUM clinic.

Will I have to pay to get checked?

No treatment is FREE.

So there you have it, university can be a scary time for most but hopefully, this guide will help you somewhat ease into the sexual side of freshers if you wish. If you’re not able to visit one of our 20 stores around the UK you can also order discreetly online and have it delivered to one of 11,000 post office or collection point locations. Click here to find out how you can get your parcel conveniently and discreetly.

References

1. Compact Oxford Dictionary, Thesaurus, and Wordpower Guide; edited by Catherine Soanes (dictionary), Alan Spooner (thesaurus) and Sara Hawker (project). First published 2002. Oxford University Press. (Reference 1)
2. NHS website: Condoms; Your contraception guide; writer information not supplied, website page information last reviewed on 19th September 2017. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/male-condoms/ (References 2, 3,10)
3. NHS website: Female condoms; Your contraception guide; writer information not supplied, website page information last reviewed on 22nd February 2018. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/female-condoms/ (References 4, 9)
4. NHS website: Combined pill; Your contraceptive guide; writer information not supplied, website page information last reviewed on 6th July 2017. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/combined-contraceptive-pill/ (Reference 5)
5. NHS website: Contraceptive implant; Your contraceptive guide; writer information not supplied, website page information last reviewed on 22nd January 2018. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/contraceptive-implant/ (Reference 6)
6. NHS website: The contraceptive injection; Your contraceptive guide; writer information not supplied, website page information last reviewed on 7th February 2018. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/contraceptive-injection/ (Reference 7)
7. Durex: The Freshers Week Good Sex Guide; no writer information supplied, no publishing date supplied. https://www.durex.co.uk/blogs/explore-sex/the-freshers-week-good-sex-guide (Reference 8)
8. Sexual Health FAQ’s https://www.yorsexualhealth.org.uk/faqs/ (reference 9)
9. NHS website: What should I do if I think I have got an STI https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/sexual-health/what-should-i-do-if-i-think-i-have-got-an-sti/ (reference 10)