Sex-Positive A-Z: 26 Sexy Suggestions for 2021
There’s no doubt about it, lockdown has impacted our sex lives. Since March 2020 it has effectively been against the law to sleep with someone unless they live in the same house, causing a national dry spell for both singletons and those living away from their partner.
Rules around overnight stay at another person’s home set to change at step three of the lockdown roadmap, which will be introduced on or after May 17. With this in mind, we collaborated with Gillian Myhill, a sex expert and founder of BARE Dating, to collate a list of 26 scenarios, sex toys, and positions into a sex-positive A-Z to encourage and inspire people to reignite and explore their sexual desires in 2021, and beyond.
A is for Aphrodisiacs
An aphrodisiac is a substance that increases sexual desire, sexual attraction, sexual pleasure, or sexual behaviour. Chocolate and oysters are common aphrodisiacal food, but artichokes, asparagus, strawberries, watermelon, and plenty of other food types have also been mentioned.
Gillian suggested that as “the wonderful world of aphrodisiacs is wide and varied, what works for one might not work for another. For me I’ve always found tequila is a wonderful aphrodisiac”.
B is for Bullet
Bullets are small vibrators – a lightweight, portable mini external stimulator that most users will use for clitoral pleasure.
Their small size allows them to be discreet and un-intimidating whilst still delivering incredible orgasms. Gillian explained that bullets are “really good to use for clitoral stimulation, and some can be inserted into the anus”.
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C is for Cock Ring
Cock rings work by restricting the blood flow in the penis, meaning you will be harder for longer. Gillian advised that “correct size is really key here… too small it will end up hurting and too large will not have the desired effect”.
Always use lots of lubricant with your penis ring or sleeve to ensure maximum pleasure. Simply slide the cock ring to the base of the penis and it will start to restrict the blood flow out of the penis making it more erect.
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D is for Dirty talk
In sex, communication is key, and dirty talk can be part of this. Gillian mentioned, “the power of words to be able to set a scene, to empower is a truly wonderful thing. I’ve always been a big fan of dirty talk, from sexting to subtle whispers in my ear”.
Talking about sex acts with your partner in an explicit way, either before or while engaging in sex acts, can help increase arousals and heighten sexual tension. If you want to try dirty talk yourself, you could start by telling your partner how much you want them or how much you are enjoying what they are doing, or even give instructions for how you want to be pleasured.
E is for Edging
Edging, also known as Edge Play or Peaking, is the sexual practice of controlled orgasms. Many people use this technique in the bedroom, either solo or with a partner to intensify their orgasms.
The idea is to get a close as possible to climax and just when you’re right on the brink, stop all stimulation and rest for a few moments before restarting the stimulation. By doing this multiple times, you slowly build yourself or your partner up and when you feel ready when you cannot take any more, unleash that core-shaking orgasm you’ve worked so hard for!
An extra little bonus is that over time, edging can help those who suffer from premature ejaculation and help increase overall sexual stamina.
F is for Flogger
A flogger is a whip made up of several straps or tassels and is commonly used in BDSM. However, floggers don’t have to be used harshly, appealing to both bondage beginners and experienced bondage players.
In Gillian’s words, a flogger is a “must-have addition to a basic toolbox of sex toys. Floggers can be used both lightly for texture play or more forcibly for discipline”. For first-timers; go gently, caress the skin, mild flicks to perk up the bum-cheeks and then thwack as intensely as you and your partner like.
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G is for Group sex
Seen as somewhat taboo, group sex or orgies are where a number of different people all get together to have sex. Many have fantasised about inviting additional people into the bedroom at one point or another, and Gillian added that “group sex can be an incredibly freeing experience”.
Social distancing restrictions currently limit this form of non-monogamous arrangement, so should only be explored once restrictions are eased – also, with group sex, there are specific relationship negotiations and safety measures to consider, so only try this if you (and your partner, if you have one) are well informed and totally comfortable doing so.
H is for Hygiene
Personal hygiene is important. Gillian commented that “bad hygiene can mean the difference between you having sex or not having sex, as very few people are attracted to others who smell or lack basic grooming”.
As well as keeping your personal hygiene on top form, it is also important to keep toys clean and sanitised before and after each use. Clean your toys with an antibacterial sex toy cleaner before and after each use – this will remove the build-up of bacteria on the toy, reducing the risk of a yeast or bacterial infection, and ensuring your toys last for longer.
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I is for Intercourse
Also, know as coitus or copulation, sexual intercourse is a sexual activity typically involving the insertion and thrusting of the penis into the vagina for sexual pleasure. Gillian explained intercourse as “consensual sex, either casually or with a partner, in any position you see fit”.
Recent research revealed that all types of sexual activity declined for young people during lockdown (including masturbation, intercourse, and watching pornography). Most notably, the research found that young people had stopped having, or reduced having, intercourse – when it came to sex with a partner, more than a quarter (25.5%) stopping due to lockdown, the biggest decrease of all activities in the survey.
J is for Jackhammer
Many know jackhammering as being characterised by constant re-penetration or deep fast thrusting, typically with little to no variation in speed, depth, and intensity. In many instances, this is often not particularly pleasurable for the female party.
However, Gillian also shared that there is a “jackhammer” position noted on UrbanDictionary – the listing explains it as “similar to doggy-style, but you lift her legs off the ground. Then you stand, forcing her body to be arranged at a downward angle. It is named for the resemblance of a construction worker pounding away on a jackhammer”. Gillian warned that “this is not a position for amateurs”.
K is for Kegel Exercises
Gillian told us that Kegel exercises are “the practice of strengthening the muscles of the pelvic floor. Notably after giving birth women’s pelvic floor can be weakened, but all women can benefit from having strong muscles in this area”.
During these exercises, you alternate between contracting and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles. Benefits include relaxing your vaginal muscles, improving blood circulation to your vagina and pelvic floor, increasing vaginal lubrication, and even making it easier for you to reach orgasm.
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L is for Lube
Gillian added that while “once reserved for older generations or anal play, lube has recently had a reinvention”. Lube reduces friction which helps prevent chafing during longer sessions, as well as helping stop condoms breaking during intercourse. Lubricant can also be used with sex toys – by adding a small amount of lubrication to the toy’s surface you ensure your toy can glide easily during play delivering maximum pleasure.
When it comes to selecting the right lubricant, Gillian warns to “choose wisely, as not all lubes are created equally. Make sure you use a silicone or water-based lube when playing with toys, as oil-based will degrade latex”. However, if your toy is made from either silicone or realistic/cyber skin material then a water-based lubricant is the only type of lubrication we recommend – do not use silicone lubricant as you risk your toy’s material perishing beyond repair.
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M is for Mindful Masturbation
Masturbation has various benefits, including improving sleep, releasing happy hormones, increasing productivity, reducing pain, and increasing libido – so why not try it with your partner.
Mindfulness has been studied by researchers and neuroscientists for decades and suggests that we can reap many benefits from practising mindfulness, including being more self-aware as well as being aware of what’s happening around us.
So, how does this help when masturbating? Well, being mindful when having some alone time is a great way to be present in the moment, and to really get to know your body and get in touch with what really turns you on. You can open your mind and focus on your body, feeling individual senses and really get caught up in the moment with yourself.
So mindful masturbation is more or less exactly how it sounds and if it sounds like something you want to get on board with, you can head over to our blog for some tips on how to masturbate mindfully.
N is for Nipple Clamps
Nipple toys are a great way to satisfy one of the body’s most sensitive sexual erogenous zones. Nipple clamps are small nipple toys that pinch and pierce their way through the line between pain and pleasure. When the clamps are attached to the end of the nipple, they create intense arousal around the breast and heighten sensitivity.
Nipple clamps come in a variety of different styles, used often in BDSM play. Gillian suggests that partners “start slowly to find the perfect style that best suits”.
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O is for One-night stand
A one-night stand is a ‘no-strings attached’ sexual relationship lasting only one night, typically with a stranger. A 2018 survey revealed that more than half of Brits (56%) have had a one-night stand at some point during their lives, and that Belfast was the one-night stand capital of the UK.
In Gillian’s words, “hey, most of us have had these right? I know I have – some have been wonderful and others I’d sooner forget. Still I think there is something very sexy about meeting a stranger and spending a night wrapped around each other never to see each other again”. Current restrictions criminalise sex with anyone outside your household, so (like with group sex) this scenario should only be explored once relevant restrictions are eased.
P is for Phonesex or Prostate Stimulation
Like dirty talk, phone sex involves talking about sex acts – however, rather than face-to-face, phone sex (as the name suggests) involves being said via a telephone conversation, perfect for long-distance couples.
In Gillian’s opinion, “being able to have an exceptional phone sex is a valuable skill to have. My most favourite experiences have been where my phone sex partner directs me through to climax instructing me through each step along the way”.
Another great one for P is Prostate Stimulation, and anal is definitely on the up with 46% of people who took part in our sex in lockdown survey said that they have tried anal sex or prostate stimulation during Lockdown.
The first time can be a nervous ordeal and the thought can put most people off, but prostate stimulation is nothing to be scared of and can be a very satisfying experience leading to some mind-blowing orgasms and sexual play whether alone or with a partner. Fancy giving it a try? Here’s our beginners guide to prostate stimulation with tips and advice on how to get started.
Q is for Quickie
Gillian explains a quickie as “quick consensual sex that’s quick due to restricted timing, or due to the location, you are in (usually done in random locations). For some, the ultimate quickie fantasy is having sex in the kitchen whilst everyone is in the other room having a dinner party”.
R is for Restraints
Restraints come in many shapes and sizes – from the typical fluffy handcuffs or ankle cuffs to leg spreader bars, bed restraints, bondage rope and tape – and are used in BDSM to restrict movement during sexual activity. It’s a common fantasy to be ‘taken care of’ whilst being all tied up. Channel your inner dom and turn up the heat by incorporating some light bondage with a tickler or nipple clamps to tease (or torture) your bound lover.
Restraints are another of Gillian’s “personal favourites, I tend to go for leather as they feel great against my skin, look sexy, and are difficult to escape from (I like to escape)”. Whether you are a bondage beginner or into extreme restraints, there is something in our collection to tighten everyone’s turn on.
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S is for Sex Swing
A concept that may seem a little out there is the trusty sex swing; usually seen in pornos and BDSM settings, sex swings are perfect for elevating your partner mid-air to get into those tricky sex positions that can tire even the best of us!
If you didn’t know, a sex swing is a form of bondage furniture, consisting of a hanging swing with various straps. The most important part of trying out a sex swing is having a mutual understanding with your sex partner about what you are and aren’t comfortable with – Remember, it’s all about pleasure!
Try starting off with the easier positions, such as relaxed missionary to get yourselves into the ‘swing’ of things. Gillian mentioned that these are “great for long sessions of sex, as you have your weight supported”.
All sex swings work a little bit different, one thing they have in common is they give the standing partner easy access to the swinging partner’s body. Don’t have room for a full-blown sex dungeon? Well, you can still enjoy all the advantages of an anchored sex swing but without the actual swing with a sex harness.
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T is for Threesome
Threesomes or, in more formal situations, a ménage à trois, are a type of group sex with three people that can happen in any combination of sexualities and gender. Like with group sex, social distancing restrictions currently limit this form of arrangement unless all parties live together. Also, the same relationship negotiations and safety measures as previously mentioned still stand for couples looking to experience a threesome.
Gillian shared that “some of my most favourite sex acts have been in threesomes. They can be a variety of genders and lots of fun. To be able to have all pleasure points stimulated at the same time is something quite wonderful”.
U is for Under-bed Restraints
Under-bed restraints are probably the most popular full-body restraint device in the bedroom due to their simple design and usability – tie your partner down and have them at your mercy.
Gillian continued that “the art of tying someone to a bed and taking control of them, whilst they can’t escape. The easiest form of bondage, and usually the starting point. Fun to do anytime, with anyone, and adds a bit of kink to the situation”.
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V is for Voyeurism
Voyeurism is a fetish where a person finds sexual gratification from watching others participate in sexual acts. Gillian added that “both parties will gain arousal, either from watching, or being watched. Sometimes the watcher will be invited to join in, but until then they must only watch”.
As observation is encouraged, voyeurism and exhibitionism are closely associated with dogging – a term to describe spying on couples having sex in a car or other public place. Be aware that prosecution is possible for several offences related to voyeurism and public indecency, so picking an appropriate location, or attending an organised event, is key.
W is for Wireless toys
Wireless toys are sex toys that can be worn in standby mode and controlled wirelessly with a remote. Gillian highly recommends wireless toys – “there is no greater thrill than placing a vibrator, butt-plug, or another device into someone, and watching them squirm at your control. Always fun in public places, and great for spicing things up between couples”.
Please note, we strongly recommend seeking medical advice before engaging in any electro sex-toy activity if you have any form of heart condition, have been fitted with a mechanical medical device (such as a pacemaker), suffer from epilepsy, or are pregnant.
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X is for X-Rated FilmsGillian mentioned that “porn gets a bad rap (and I get it) but porn is great for helping steam things up as foreplay, and for helping each other explore what they like”.
We have always stocked and supplied a variety of fully legal (R18) adult films. The R18 label signifies that a film has been approved by the BBFC (British Board of Film Classification). The ‘R’ stands for Restricted, which means that the sale of these films is restricted to Licensed Sex Shops only. The R18 Badge eliminates the possibility of material containing any non-consensual intercourse, acts of inappropriate violence and also guarantees all Actors/Actresses are of 18 Years or over.
PLEASE NOTE: It is illegal to sell or purchase an R18 film from anywhere other than a licensed sex shop. This includes mail order and the Internet.
Y is for Yourself
Gillian added that “masturbation is an act of self-love and self-exploration. There are plenty of stigmas around it, for both men and women, but it’s a great way to discover your body, find out what you do and do like when it comes to play, and an excellent release when needed”.
As mentioned above, masturbation has various benefits, including improving sleep, releasing happy hormones, increasing productivity, reducing pain, and increasing libido. There are plenty of portable masturbator toys on the market if you want to spice up your me-time.
Z is for Zoom Sex
Like phone sex, using video messaging platforms, such as Zoom, can be a great way to share sexual experiences whilst socially distancing.
Gillian shared that zoom sex is “definitely something I have been doing during the lockdown. It is fun to do with a single person, or as a group. It is naughty and sexy, and lots of fun! Just make sure you have a decent internet connection!”.
We hope this A-Z list of 26 sexy suggestions inspire you to further explore your sexual fantasies and desires in 2021!