Introducing a sex toy into your relationship can send the sparks flying (or bring the spark back!). Bringing up the subject though isn’t always an easy task. Don’t worry – we’ve got a handy guide for how to go about introducing them into your relationship. Sure, it’s by no means a “one-size fits all” guide as, lets face it, nothing truly is. Every relationship is as unique as the individuals in it so broaching this subject with your partner(s) won’t always be textbook.
Nevertheless, this short, easy to digest guide may provide you with some useful ideas if you’re finding the idea of introducing sex toys into your relationship something of a precarious “diving board” moment. Hope it helps.
So, you clearly want to introduce sex toys into your relationship and may even have a few ideas about:
a) What toys you’re eager to get to grips with.
b) What toys you’re not too sure about but are willing to try once to discover what all the hype is about (that’s the spirit).
c) What toys hold no appeal for you whatsoever.
But what about your partner? As you’re all too aware this is no solo venture. Have they experimented with sex toys before, if not have they ever shown the slightest interest in the subject? How do they feel about you using sex toys when masturbating (if you already are, and we assume they know about it)? What happens if they show an interest in some of the toys that hold no appeal for you (and visa versa)?
Like other important aspects of a healthy relationship, honest communication is key. If it’s a subject your partner has never shown an interest in then starting a conversation about this is obviously the first and arguably most vital step in this whole adventure. It might not be the easiest conversation you ever have, you may even have to rehearse what you say to ensure your partner doesn’t misconstrue anything, but more often than not ‘the conversation’ is nowhere near as difficult as many imagine it to be.
Afterwards, even if the outcome is not the one you’re hoping for, you will probably look back and think your pre-talk fears were acutely misplaced (we’re all guilty of building things up in our mind till they seem overwhelming, it’s the “diving board” all over again).
Seriously, what’s the worst that could happen? They’re not going to be so overcome they faint. After all, all you will have done in reality is express an urge to indulge in some mild experimentation in the lovemaking department. If it yields good results, then guess what, you now have the exciting opportunity to make your sex life better than ever!
“What do you mean better? What’s wrong with it now?”
When having this discussion its worth emphasising you aren’t implying there is anything wrong or sub-par with your sex life or the other person’s lovemaking abilities. That’s not what sex toys are about, case in point: millions of women use vibrators every day and have been doing so for decades. Are they disrespecting their still-dexterous fingers in the process? Didn’t think so.
Stress to them that sex toys are not designed to replace someone or compensate for some shortfall, sex toys are designed to enhance your lovemaking and expand the possibilities of what naughty mischief you can get up to together. Like in other areas of your life, variety spices it up a bit, keeping things fun, fresh and interesting. You love steak but you don’t want it every night, why should what type of sex you serve up be any different?
Speak to any sexologist or professional whose area of expertise is sex and they will attest; foreplay is called foreplay for a reason. We’re adults now, we no longer play with toy soldiers and miniature ponies, but that doesn’t mean we’ve lost our appetite for play.
It’s just what constitutes play is now completely different, even so, that’s no reason to cut adrift the adventurous streak that innately poured out of you as a child when out playing and having fun. Fun with your mates didn’t add up to four things and nothing more, granted there were certain activities you did more than others but if one of you had a new idea, even if it was quite daring you normally explored it (or at least flirted with it).
Apply those same principles here, encourage your partner to view it from that perspective and we confidently predict that introducing some starter-sex toys into the bedroom will be a life-changing invigorating experience that brings you even closer as a couple.
If you’re looking for toys to get you started have a look at our couples’ massager, My Wand, any gender can have fun with this staple of the sex toy world, by far one of the best couples’ toys we sell. If you’re looking to take your sex life to the next episode our Duo Vibe is our best selling couples’ toy. Worn during lovemaking for intense stimulation for both him and her, the Duo Vibe also operates by wireless remote control, freeing you from the hassle of having to negotiate your fun around a restrictive wire.
As we’ve been proudly saying since 1997: couples that play together, stay together.