Beginner’s Guide to Bondage and Beyond

Bondage can be an incredible way to open up sexual opportunities in a relationship and build trust. Understanding how bondage can enhance and excite sex is key to making the experience pleasurable, but if you’re unsure of where to start, we can help…

What is Bondage?

At its core, bondage refers to a sexual play that involves consensually restraining a partner for sexual pleasure – but it is so much more! Not only is bondage an exciting way to become kinkier in the bedroom, but it is also about building trust and openness in your relationship.

Bondage is the B in BDSM

B & D – Bondage and discipline, refer to sexual acts that involve restraining a partner with items such as rope or handcuffs for sexual pleasure. Discipline involves training a partner using rewards and punishment. Something as simple as spanking opens up the world of BDSM.

S & M – S stands for sadism (inflicting pain) and M stands for Masochism (receiving pain). The pain can be both physical and emotional, and whipping and humiliation are both acts of S&M. Playing with the boundaries of pain and pleasure in a safe and consensual relationship can be excitingly arousing.

Bondage doesn’t have to be scary, adding something as simple as a blindfold into the bedroom can excite your senses. Our aim in this blog is to simplify the world of BDSM and help guide you on how to perform soft and light bondage. The benefits of trying bondage, and how it can improve your relationship and sex life, are huge. Some individuals often experience…

• Excitement and stimulation
• Feeling liberated
• Building trust and communication
• Heightening sensuality and sensitivity
• Spicing up sex life
• Production of natural highs and endorphins

 

Bondage tips and ideas – What you need to know!

How to practice bondage – start slow

Bondage is a sexual art that you need to master to find your own personal pleasure levels. Jumping in at the deep end wearing a mouth gag, nipple clamps, and a chastity device is a sure way to set yourself up for failure. Start slow. Try adding some soft bondage items to your sexual exploits, we recommend:

• Light spanking with your hand or a spanking paddle
• Gently pulling your partner’s hair
• Using a light blindfold whilst having sex
• Explore each other’s bodies and limits – there’s a fine line between pleasure and pain.

Communicate with your partner

The first rule of bondage is good communication between you and your partner. Communicate openly and honestly together. Start by sitting down and discussing each other’s sexual fantasies, what turns you on or off and what boundaries you’re not prepared to cross.

Make sure your Bondage play is safe and consensual

Safety comes first, make sure your partner is not tied up too tightly and that they can breathe when using a mouth gag. Being careful is next, don’t engage in any dangerous acts that put you or your partner at risk – be realistic. Make sure your play is consensual, never push someone into something they are not comfortable with. Equally, never feel pressured into something you don’t want to do. Bondage is about building trust and communication in your relationship and should be something exciting shared by both partners.

How to establish a safe word

A great to prepare for beginner bondage is to decide on a safe word beforehand. A safe word is a word you both agree upon and say out loud when things get a little bit too weird and you need a break. You need to feel secure that you can say your chosen word in the middle of being tied up, and everything will stop. If you are planning on using mouth gags, it is useful to establish a safe signal – clap your hands or shake your head, for example.

How to Read, Listen and Respect your partner’s reactions

Have they gone quiet? Are they pulling away? Read your partner’s responses, if their body language makes you think that they not enjoying it anymore it probably means that they aren’t! Always check in on your partner to make sure that they’re ok.

 

Am I Submissive or Dominant?

A common misconception held by many new people to the world of bondage and BDSM is that you have to fall into the category of either a submissive or a dominant role. Another myth is that people who are dominant characters in real life will play the dominant role in BDSM, and the same story with submissive personality types. Neither of these is true!

When first beginning your bondage adventure you and your partner may naturally slip into roles of who prefers to be the submissive in play and who prefers to be dominant. Or, it is completely normal to switch roles – one day you may want to be tied up and spanked, and the next day you might want your partner to kneel on all fours and beg you to pleasure them.

 

Using the right equipment – beginner bondage ideas and tools

How to use Handcuffs

Handcuffs are a simple yet sexy tool to use as your first step into the world of beginner bondage. Warning, stay away from cheap metal cuffs if it’s your first time! These can end up hurting your wrist, invest in a better quality material such as silicone, leather, faux fur or padded handcuffs for a more soft and comfortable experience.

How to use: Lock your hands behind your back, cuff your hands to the bed, or lock your hands above your head (or your partner’s hands) – the possibilities are endless. Decide what you and your partner want to do with your handcuffs before you whip them out. Why not try giving oral sex with your hands behind your back, or have them tie you to the bed and have their wicked way with you (no escape!).

We recommend: Silicone handcuffs with metal studs. These handcuffs made from body-safe silicone are rubbery in texture to not cut skin. The short link cord means you can easily be tied to a bedpost, desk or any other household furniture that takes your fancy. The metal studs allow you to adjust the tightness of the cuffs and experience the pleasure without having to worry about losing a key.

How to use Blindfolds

Subtle yet sensual, blindfolds are the secret little bit of satin that can heighten all of your senses. Delicate in appearance they are a great first item on your bondage list. As they are an object you are familiar with outside of the bedroom (sleep masks), they are not an intimidating starting point.

How to use: Blindfold your partner and make them lay on a bed while you caress and explore different areas of their body. It is amazing how heightened our other senses become from losing our ability to see. Your partner won’t know what your next move is,  – the anticipation will drive your partner wild.

We recommend: Floral Lace Blindfold. Simple, sexy, and unintimidating, this blindfold is ideal for bondage beginners.

How to use a Flogger/ Spanker

Do you like being spanked? Why not spice things up by investing in a whip, spanker or tickler?

How to use: The beauty of a whip, spanker or tickler is the sensation provided is completely up to you. Whether you use it to gently stroke across your partner’s body or to crack a stinging flick across their bum, a flogger allows you to do both (remember to aim for the lower part of your partner’s bum cheeks, avoiding the tailbone).

We recommend: Purple Leather Tasseled Flogger. A sexy colour with gold detailing, this flogger is ideal for beginners with its many tassels. Don’t be fooled, the numerous amount of tassels soften the sting for a more sensual and softer flogging experience.

 

What is bondage aftercare?

Whilst bondage acts and play offer hours of endless fun it can also be physically and emotionally demanding. Bondage aftercare is essentially making sure you and your lover finish your play by looking after each other’s emotional and physical needs. Take time to help relax and wind down with your partner after an intense bondage session, checking in that the other one is feeling good.

How to provide aftercare

While we may want to be spanked and whipped by our partner during bondage play, this is often a far cry away from what we aspire our daily relationships to be like. During bondage play, we adopt different roles and when these roles are finished we need some aftercare to soothe and ease both ourselves and our partner back into normal life. Bondage aftercare can be placed into two categories physical and emotional.

Physical– When you are at the height of your sexy scenarios bondage play releases a rush of endorphins, so afterwards you may feel a drop in mood and energy after you come down from your natural high. That’s why it is important to have food, water, and some warm comfy clothes to hand. Remove any gags, restraints or other bondage accessories you have used on your partner straight away after finishing. They may need you to run them a warm bath or give them a gentle massage (paying special attention to the areas marked during play). Cuddle, kiss and caress your partner after a bondage session, the act of cuddling alone will release natural endorphins to balance levels back out.

Emotional– Discussing the events you and your partner have just shared is essential. Talk over things you enjoyed, things you maybe didn’t enjoy so much and things you would like to try again. Check up on your partner and make sure they are feeling happy and well afterwards.

So now you’ve got the tools, all that’s left to do is grab the leash and free your inner bondage beast!

A sexy weekend away with your other half is the perfect opportunity to practice your new skills in beginner bondage and introduce it into the bedroom. Read our guide on how to plan the dirty weekend away to help you get started.

 

Other Bondage Essentials

Lubricant – Everything is better with lube. Try applying a small amount to nipple clamps or a vibrator and see how easily they slide.  We recommend water-based lubricant as this is safe to use with most sex toys.
Toy cleaner – Investing in a good toy cleaner is essential. Bondage items such as mouth gags and nipple clamps all need to be cleaned.
Sexy outfits – It doesn’t have to be PVC or leather to be sexy in the world of bondage. It is whatever you feel hottest in that is the best choice!
Discover our range of Beginner Bondage Kits to start indulging in this rewarding sexual play.

So go get your kink on with some bondage fun, remember communication is key!