What It’s Like to be a Real Life Dominatrix

Thanks to the likes of E.L James and her albeit some-what tame fifty shades novels, the UK is waking up and exploring the wonderful world of bondage, fetish, and BDSM play embracing all it’s deepest darkest desires.

One area we find particularly exhilarating is the life of a Dominatrix. From erotic humiliation to latex suits, it seems we are hooked on the professional Domme, so here at Pulse and Cocktails, we have interviewed two real-life dominatrix’s to get a sneak peek into their world to share with you. But first of all, let’s take a look at what a dominatrix and submissive actually is…

what its like to be a dominatrix pulse and cocktails interview main image

 

What is a dominatrix?

The term dominatrix derives from the Latin word dominate, meaning to rule – and a Dominatrix does just that! The Domme rules her dungeon of debauchery, harnessing control over all those that dare to venture in. Someone who is a dominatrix will take the dominant role in BDSM activities. These roles generally take place between a dominatrix and their submissive in a game of intoxicating power play. No dominatrix is complete without a wicked toolbox, filled with floggers, furry handcuffs and all things bondage and fetish. Being a dominatrix can be incredibly empowering, allowing you to gain control over your sexuality.  The role of a dominatrix is not just about sex, in fact, the act of sex itself makes up a very small part (if any) of what it is to be a dominatrix. Being a dominatrix is about trust, companionship and listening to your submissives wants and desires.

How to be a Dominatrix

Never underestimate what it takes to become a dominatrix, you will need years of practice in the world of pain and pleasure. To be a Domme you need to be emotionally and physically mature. You are in charge of someone else’s safety and with that comes a lot of responsibility, you will need to read and respond to your sub’s body language. Many Dominatrix recommended that to master the art of becoming a pro-domme you first need to experience what it is like to be the submissive in a power exchange. How can you expect to really understand your Sub if you have never experienced the high they are chasing? A bondage kit is a perfect tool to begin exploring power play with a partner, combine this with lubricant and a few luxury sex toys – you’ll be in for a night to remember.

The stereotype of a dominatrix being an older woman does not have to be true. Whilst being older can help, age or gender doesn’t necessarily matter when it comes to being a dominatrix. It is all about how you carry yourself, how you grasp those leashes and don’t let go until you have the full submission from your slave. So, we have established that confidence is key! And to feel the part you need to look the part. No Dominatrix is complete without a filthy outfit to match her attitude. Explore our range of fetishwear for some kinkspiration on domme gear. Remember to be your unedited, powerful self who’s not apologetic.

What is dominatrix humiliation?

Dominatrix humiliation is the act of humiliating your submissive through mockery and ridicule to provide some masochistic pleasure and show them who’s boss! This humiliation is sometimes coupled with sexual stimulation, but not always. A dominatrix may use instruments such as body restraints, chastity devices, and whips to intensify this humiliation. The humiliation can be done publicly or privately depending on the Sub’s desires.

Public Humiliation – This can be as simple as shouting and ridiculing a Sub in the street for all to see. Some people love the feeling of their humiliation and mockery laid bare for all to see. After all, what is more, humiliating than public embarrassment?

Private Humiliation – This can involve the sub-performing derogatory and demeaning tasks for their Domme, often being made to wear ‘sissy’ outfits. A Domme may verbally belittle her sub whilst pleasuring them sexually.

Why do people like to be dominated by a dominatrix?

So what is it exactly about this BDSM art that makes people pay to be tortured and humiliated?

With mounting pressure in today’s society for people to be dominant in their professional and personal lives, visiting a professional domme has become more popular than ever. In such a stress heavy world we live in, relinquishing yourself of all responsibility can be liberating. Many dominatrix claims their clients see it as a form of therapy for stress and anxiety relief. There is an intimate interaction between a Domme and her Sub that goes much deeper than the act of sex.

Have you ever had that bruise you can’t stop pressing just to feel that sensation? Pain can be pleasurable. Being dominated allows the client to experience the thrill of erotic fear but in a safe environment. Surrendering all power to their Domme creates an intimate relationship that opens the client up to intense stimulations that they didn’t even know existed. This intoxicating rush will leave you with a natural high.

We asked two real-life dominatrices in the UK what it’s really like to be a dominatrix

If there is anyone in the world who knows what it’s like to be a real-life dominatrix it’s Miss Zena Dominatrix and Miss Madam LiYing. We’ve interviewed these two empowering women about their line of work, how they got into it and tips they recommend to newbies.

Miss Zena Nottingham Dominatrix

Name: Miss Zena Dominatrix
Location: Nottingham, UK
Twitter: @MistressZenaUK
Dominatrix Experience: 20+ Years

Miss Zena, what do you enjoy most about being a Dominatrix?

The most enjoyable thing for me is control over the submissive. To be able to guide them through intense pain and then pleasure, this is what drives me into being as good a Domme as I can be.

How did you get into being a Dominatrix?

A friend and I were talking and he mentioned how he likes being caned by his ex-girlfriend. He then went on to ask if I would do it to him. At first, I was shocked but then I gave it some thought and I did it. It turned out to be one of the best experiences I have ever had.

What is the most common requests you receive from clients?

It’s mainly spanking, either with a slipper or a hard paddle.

Would you say it’s more about exploring sexuality? Or suppressed emotions?

For me, it’s been both. I’ve explored my own sexuality whilst having a session with a client, the power I can wield with a look, gesture or word. But also the suppressed emotions of the sub, some desperately need to release to lose the control they have on themselves and for me to take the reins.

What advice would you give to those wanting to try BDSM?

If it’s a couple in the bedroom then take things slow, build it up by using a blindfold, feather tickler then go into ball gags, cuffs, etc. As for a Domme find one with experience who will test your limits but respect them too. My role as Domme didn’t start or end at the dungeon door.

What would you suggest as three introductory toys for people who are exploring BDSM for the first time?

I would choose a blindfold, tickler or paddle and a set of soft handcuffs.

What are your favourite bondage toys to use on your clients?

Clover clamps for nipples, a leather flogger (with at least 50 strips), ballgag or bit and a strap on.

For me, it’s about the protocols and etiquette of Domination. For the Domme to know her place and the sub his.

As a Domme you are always learning, I always try to read up on fetishes, how to administer punishment safely. It’s knowing your bastinado from your burdizzo and hopefully, you won’t go far wrong.

– Zena

P.S Bastinado is beating the soles of your feet and burdizzo is a castration tool. 

Our second interview is with Madame LiYing, a dominatrix based in London who specialises in heavy medical fetish play including catheterisation, urethral sounds, breath control, and electro stimulation.

 

Madame LiYing London Dominatrix interview with pulse and cocktails dungeon

Name: Madame LiYing
Location: London, UK
Dominatrix Experience: Since 2003
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Madame_Li_Ying
Website: https://www.madame-li-ying.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/madameliying/

What do you enjoy the most about being a Dominatrix?

As a sexually dominant woman, I enjoy discovering my submissive’s sexual fantasies, develop an emotional bond, establish connection and trust to open up his secrets, this kind of connection is precious. When a submissive is telling me his deepest sexual desires and lets me take charge of everything, he is baring his soul. I see this as a precious gift, I listen to him carefully and do my best to create the fantasy he shares with me.

How did you get into being a Dominatrix?

I went to my very first fetish party in Hong Kong back in 2003, saw a Dominatrix dressed up in full rubber gear playing with her submissive. I was hooked, couldn’t take my eyes off her, I wanted to be like her. There was no training back then and I was so eager to know the tricks so I flew to London and took training from Mistress Chloe, author of “Dominatrix – The making of Mistress Chloe”.

What is the most common request you receive from clients?

I am specialised in Medical play so I get a lot of requests about catheterisation, urethral dilation, needle play, electro-stimulation, etc., I also get a lot of role play requests i.e. being teased and tormented by a powerful sexually charged female boss.

Would you say it’s more about exploring sexuality? or suppressed emotions?

Clients need a source to explore his sexual fantasies, free from feelings of guilt over his sexuality or sexual desire, his mind is free where his Mistress takes it. Many submissives feel empowered after a session because they break some taboo or rule or another.

What advice would you give to those wanting to try BDSM?

Go for it! We are very lucky to live in London that has so much to offer for the kink community. Play parties, BDSM workshops, fetish markets etc…pick a few things you like and start from there.

What would you suggest as three introductory toys for people who are exploring BDSM for the first time?

It depends on what they are into, really. I would say a riding crop, flogger and bondage rope.

What are your favourite toys to use on your clients?

I am a medical fetishist who combines corporal punishment into my sessions. Toys I love the most are sounds, catheters, needles, electro devices, forceps, dildos and varieties of canes.

– Madame LiYing

red bondage kit beginners set for fetish and bondage play better sex

If you’re looking to become a dominatrix

So, you have read all about this exciting line of work and want to try it yourself? Below are a few simple tips to take you in the right direction.

Discover everything there is to know about BDSM – If you are going to be a dominatrix you need to be confident with all things fetish. Here’s the fun bit, the best way to get confidence is to start experimenting, blindfolds, ball gags and ball restraints will be your best friends. Explore our full range of fetish and bondage gear here to get fully kink’d up.

Building your dominatrix toolbox – Once you explored the full range of fetish gear, you need to decide which items are your favourite to keep in your dominatrix toolbox. Lubricant and sex toy cleaner are both essential items that need to be used for safe erotic play.

Get yourself acquainted with the world of KINK – join online BDSM communities to meet fellow kinksters who can lead you in the right direction to your dominatrix discovery. Come into one of our 20 stores in the UK where one of our staff will be more than happy to talk you through the full range of bondage and fetish gear we have on offer – trust us you won’t be disappointed.

If you’re searching for a dominatrix to dominate you

Reaching out to a dominatrix for the first time can seem like a daunting task, follow these simple steps for a smooth sub-dom process.

  • Make yourself an attractive customer – Tell your Domme a bit about yourself, why you are interested in meeting her, let her know the human behind the Submissive. Don’t become one of the hundred ‘Hey sexy’ messages that are sure to get deleted.
  • Be Patient – No doubt your Domme will get hundreds of messages from people wasting her time. If she takes a while to respond or asks you lots of questions do not get angry. This will be her way of sussing you out to make sure you are a worthwhile client.
  • Always be open and honest with your Domme – To have the best experience you need to go into your session all cards on the table. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to ask for what you want – trust is she will have heard worse. Make sure you establish your boundaries and safe words with your Domme before you begin any play.

Remember, female Dominatrices are not necessarily sex workers – There is much more to being a dominatrix than sex. If all you want out of your session is a quick blow job then it’s probably not the right thing for you.

If you are searching for a Domme online, always make sure you are using safe legitimate sources. Remember when contacting your Dominatrix always keep an open mind and don’t be shy.

What to expect when you see a dominatrix

So it’s your first dominatrix session and you’re so nervous you could throw up. Don’t worry, that’s completely normal. Understandably you will be feeling a mixture of emotions – anxiety, excitement, arousal? Trust us you will be feeling a whole range more when your session has finished.

Don’t be surprised if your Domme asks you to shower. Make sure you perform any necessary cleanliness tasks beforehand for example if you are into anal, use a douche before your session.

Your session should start off with a pre- domme discussion. Establishing any safe words and ground rules. Discussing the types of BDSM you enjoy. Don’t be ashamed to ask for what you want.

For your first time, the dominatrix session should be light to medium level. Your Domme will be listening and reading your body language intensely to understand how you are feeling.

What to expect after your dominatrix session

The aftermath. Be prepared to feel exhausted after your first session. Your body will have experienced a huge range of endorphins and emotions in a short space of time. You will likely be in need of a bar of chocolate and a lie down afterwards so make sure you keep your calendar clear that evening. After your session, you and your Domme should have a debrief to discuss how you feel it went, anything you particularly liked or didn’t like. Your Domme should always make you feel comfortable in contacting her afterward to discuss anything you may be feeling.

The key thing to remember going into your first dominatrix session is to go in with an open mind, don’t feel too shy to ask exactly what you want and make clear any boundaries you have before beginning.

We hope we have inspired you to take the reins and lead or be lead into a world of dominatrix discovery, where a whole range of exhilarating experiences await you.

Starting out on your road to domination? Shop our full range of fetish and bondage gear here to get you started. Come into one of our 20 stores located around the UK, click here to find your nearest location. Or you can order your new bondage gear online and your parcel will be delivered in discreet packaging to either your home or one of our 11,000 Royal Mail post offices or collection point locations. Click here to discover how you can get your parcel delivered easily and discreetly.

Our Lasting Words of Wisdom:

  • Always keep your BDSM play safe and establish ground rules and safewords.
  • Get yourself a BDSM tool box that’s worth bragging about
  • Most importantly relax and have fun.

We hope you have enjoyed reading, we know we have.

PS. Good luck xx

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