I Bought My First Sex Toy as a Student — The Parcel Panic and What I Wish I’d Known

The Thursday Night That Started It All

Okay, so.

I’m literally writing this whilst getting ready before pres. My tote bag is hanging off the door. The ring light I “don’t use” is very much visible in the corner. Ruby is shouting from the kitchen about who’s connected to the speaker and smells like fake tan and Lidl prosecco in here.

And I did not expect to be someone who writes about exploring her body at uni.

But here we are.

Because let’s be so for real — I spent most of first year pretending I wasn’t curious. Like if I just didn’t say it out loud, it didn’t count.

And honestly? That was exhausting.

The Problem: I Was Curious About Buying My First Sex Toy — But Also Slightly Mortified

I grew up in a “we don’t talk about it” house.

Sex ed at school was basically: here’s a diagram, here’s how not to get pregnant, and a general vibe of “be careful.” No one talked about comfort. Or curiosity. Or what it actually feels like to be 19 and confused and low-key Googling things at 1am.

So when I got to uni and my flatmates were casually talking about dating, boundaries, and yes — toys — I felt like I’d accidentally walked into the advanced class.

There was this one night in the kitchen. Pre-drinks. Music too loud. Someone’s discreet parcel had arrived earlier that day and Ruby goes, “Not you ordering that to OUR address???”

Everyone laughed.

And then Maya just said, completely calm, “It’s normal.”

That was it.

No scandal. No whispering. Just… normal.

I remember standing there thinking: wait. You’re allowed to be curious without it meaning something dramatic about you?

Because I genuinely thought curiosity meant I had to suddenly become this ultra-confident, experienced version of myself.

It didn’t. It just meant I had questions.

The Actual Worry (Let’s Be So For Real)

Here’s what was actually stopping me from exploring my body at uni.

Not morals. Not fear.

Just very student problems.

The Money

I’m not dropping £80 on something I might hate.

If you’re skint, don’t stress — but also, we don’t have influencer budgets. Student loans are not designed for “experimental luxury purchases.”

Part of my hesitation was thinking everything had to be expensive to be “worth it.” Like if I wasn’t buying the top-rated, glossy, perfectly aesthetic thing, I shouldn’t bother.

That’s marketing.

Not reality.

The Flatmates

Thin. Walls.

Shared hallway. Shared bins. Shared post. Shared everything.

The idea of a delivery arriving while I’m in a lecture? Horrifying.

I pictured Ruby holding up a box and yelling, “Lenaaaa, what’s this then???”

Reader.

Nobody cared.

But my brain? Spiralling.

The Shame

This one was quieter.

The “am I behind?” thought.

The “is everyone else way more confident?” spiral.

Online, it looks like everyone at uni is experienced and completely unbothered.

In real life? Most of us are figuring it out privately.

I thought being curious meant I was weird.

I panicked for no reason (obviously).

What I’m Learning (In Real Time)

I’m not an expert. I’m learning as I go. But here’s what has actually helped me calm down and stop pretending.

Curiosity Doesn’t Mean You Have to Rush

You’re allowed to sit with it.

You’re allowed to read reviews for three weeks.

You’re allowed to close the tab and open it again at 1am.

Exploring your body doesn’t have a deadline.

Start Small. Always.

You do not need the most intense thing on the website.

You don’t need a full “new era.”

Start small. Beginner-friendly. Budget-conscious. See how you feel.

This would’ve saved me money if I’d known sooner.

Nobody Is Monitoring You

This was humbling.

I genuinely thought my flatmates would somehow sense a shift in the air.

They did not.

Everyone is busy with their own dating chaos, coursework deadlines, and laundry piles.

The world does not revolve around your parcels.

Safe and Comfortable > Impressive

You do not need to perform confidence.

If something feels off, stop.

If you don’t like something, you’re allowed to say “not for me.”

Whether that’s alone or with someone else — comfort wins.

Every time.

You Don’t Owe Anyone an Identity Update

Exploring your body doesn’t mean you suddenly have to label yourself.

You’re allowed to try something and decide it’s not your thing.

You’re allowed to be curious without announcing it.

You’re allowed to change your mind.

Myth vs Reality

Because my brain loves drama.

Myth: Everyone at uni is super confident and experienced.
Reality: Most of us are Googling quietly and pretending we’re chill.

Myth: Buying a toy is this huge, scandalous moment.
Reality: It’s online shopping. In a brown box. That’s it.

Myth: If you explore your body, you become a completely different person.
Reality: You’re still you. Just slightly more self-aware.

Myth: You need loads of experience to pick the right one
Reality: The point is literally to learn what you like. Start with something simple like a bullet vibrator and go from there.

Sex ed did not prepare me for this.

But living with people who treat it like it’s normal? That did.

Nobody cared.

So why did I?

What This Is Actually About

This isn’t about being wild or dramatic or suddenly reinventing myself.

It’s about not pretending anymore.

It’s about letting curiosity exist without immediately shaming it.

It’s about figuring things out safely, privately, and on a student budget.

Thin walls matter.

Money matters.

Discreet storage matters.

Consent and comfort matter more than anything.

And I’m realising that exploring my body at uni doesn’t make me reckless.

It makes me self-aware.

It makes me more confident.

It makes me less likely to ignore my own boundaries just to seem “chill.”

If you’re reading this and thinking, “I’ve been pretending too” — I get it.

You’re not weird.

You’re not behind.

You’re not dramatic for wondering.

You’re learning.

So am I. 💛