A Beginners Guide to Anal Sex

The words ‘anal sex’ might have you cringing. Many people see it as a taboo. Others see it as an act of trust, love and closeness. Anal play has been having its moment of the last couple of years, we have seen the number of anal sex toys sold increase. More and more couples are trying it.

Think only gay men enjoy the anal play? Then you’re a little bit behind the times. Whilst it’s true that men have the advantage of having a prostate, which feels incredible when stimulated, but many women enjoy anal play too. That’s because the anus is richly endowed with a body of nerve endings, these nerve endings are crying out to be teased and stimulated!


Safety always comes first

Everyone likes surprises and everyone likes sex – so you’re thinking of combining the two! DON’T. ‘Sticking it in’ is a sure-fire way to put people off anal for life. Talk about it first. It might be something new to the other person or maybe they’ve been thinking about asking you. Make sure you’re both in agreement that it’s something you want to try, and it’s not one person doing it to please the other!

Some people speak of a little pain and discomfort when first attempting anal sex, this discomfort is often quickly turned into pleasure once the person learns to utilise the vast array or anal sex toys, lubricants and desensitising creams available from us, but more importantly when they learn to relax.



  • Condoms should be worn to protect against STDs, which are transferable through the anus.
  • Rectal penetration always requires plenty of suitable lubricant, as the rectum is not self-lubricating, and dry friction is neither comfortable nor safe.
  • Foreplay and arousal are needed to relax the PC muscles.
  • The receiving partner takes charge of the pace and degree of penetration.
  • If it does not feel good, stop!
  • Clean you toy using our anti-bacterial toy cleaner.


The Risks 

There are of course some associated risks with anal sex which should always be taken into consideration before becoming involved with anal sex with your partner.

  • Sexually Transmitted infections (STI).
  • Damaging of the anus through vigorous sex or using incorrect toys for anal sex.
  • Spreading germs from the anus to the vagina.
  • Prolapsing of the anus.

The prep

One of the main questions we get asked about anal sex is “is it clean?”

The key thing we tell couples is to be prepared.  To make sure things don’t get messy, there is some minor prep work to be done.

In fact, the anus and the lower part of the rectum have very little fecal matter in them, which means they tend not to be as dirty as expected.

However, having vaginal sex straight after anal sex isn’t desirable, because even microscopic fecal elements can cause vaginal infections. To safeguard against these concerns, a bowel movement prior to sex can give reassurance.

We know – it might be the most obvious thing, but it isn’t always. If you want to be super safe, you can wash. The use of a good quality douche which has spray emitted both vertically and horizontally does a great job of helping to remove anything un-wanted down there.


Mood setting


There is a very fine line between attempting and enjoying anal sex, and along with preparation, setting the mood is one of the major factors in determining this.

So, turn off those smartphones, light some candles and put some relaxing music on. Go slow. Why not have a couple’s massage and a nice bath? Think slow and sensual, your building up the arousal. Not going for a quickie!

You can also use massage candles. They are perfect after a hot bath, a candle using pheromone really helps set the mood. The pheromone released relaxes the mind and heightens the senses. Once the candle is lit the pheromones start to release into the air, the wick burns the special wax which melts into a massage oil that’s warm but doesn’t burn the skin.

Add to that a massage tickling feather to explore all erogenous zones, really make sure your both relaxed and enjoying the moment.



If you’ve ever tried anal sex or explored your own bum you might notice that you naturally clench when something goes in. The more you gently play around the area, the more it will relax. This is why foreplay and exploration is extremely important!

Before penetration either penile or toy, gentle probing with a well-lubricated finger is a must, not only to help lubricate the opening but also to accustom the body to stimulation there.


The Essentials


Using some of these essentials will help all the risks listed above.


  • Anal Lube, the anus is not self-lubricating like a vagina so it needs plenty of lubrication before commencing anal sex.
  • Condoms should be used to protect against STIs when having anal sex but aren’t necessarily essential when using your own personal toys for anal play.   NEVER use the same condom for both holes!
  • For beginners a relaxing desensitising spray or gel would be very useful indeed to help slightly numb down the nerve endings in the anus and sphincter.
  • Anal Douché to clean out and sanitise the anus prior to sex.
  • Anal plug– to help stretch the anus slightly before sex.
  • The receiving partner should always control the pace and degree of penetration during anal sex, at least until things become more easy and familiar with the experience.
    Anti-bacterial sex toy cleaner.


The Main Event


So now you should be ready to engage in some anal play so it’s important not to overlook one of the most crucial facets of anal sex/play and that is actually engaging in other sexual activity first which not only helps to relax and ease your mind but also helps to relax the sphincter and the pubococcygeus muscle (PC Muscle) which both assist in better anal sex/play when they are more relaxed.


Just make sure you’re ‘warmed up’. The giver should lube up their finger and start slow, one lubed finger at a time. Giving the sphincter muscles chance to become more relaxed. Once the muscles are warmed up and relaxed. You can take to the main event. Even if you’ve agreed to anal sex, don’t assume that it’s still going to happen. Make sure you’re both ready before taking it to the next level.


Apply more lubricant to the bum and surrounding area. And generously apply to the penis too. Go nice and slow and enjoy!


Some couples find it best to spread these activities over several nights, so there is time to get used to the sensations and how much lube to use!


The Toys


There are a plethora of anal toys on the market many of which are available in our stores, so here is a small overview of the different types of anal toys.


As mentioned earlier these are used primarily for stretching of the opening however they do come in vibrating varieties for extra stimulation. Various shapes and sizes to suit all as well as various materials from silicone and latex, to medical-grade glass and stainless steel which are a more hygienic choice as they are non-porous.


Anal beads are designed to be inserted fully, and when the moment of climax is reached they are to be pulled quickly from the anus as the orgasm is reached to help intensify and take your orgasm to the next level.


Prostate Stims

These are ergonomically shaped for men to penetrate the anus and reach and stimulate the prostate gland, as well as simultaneously stimulate the perineum, however, they are just as good for a woman to use.


We stock some educational ‘Loving Sex’ DVD series which covers advanced techniques for intimate exploration.

Desensitising Gels 

Our calming gels and desensitising are suitable for anal sex lovers of all experience lovers but might be of particular interest to beginners still getting accustomed to the sensation of anal penetration. It is not a substitute for lubricant.

Anal Lube

We’ve made no secret that we’re fans of lube. Under no circumstances should you perform anal sex without anal lube. Why? Fissures, tearing, friction buttons and other horrible painful sensations and side effects can occur. Try our Anal Lube for any time you’re experimenting with butt plugs, anal beads, anal dildos or your hands!


Now that you have read this guide to anal sex you should be ready to have some sensual ‘bum fun’ with a little more knowledge on the subject which will hopefully help you relax and enjoy this aspect of your newly expanded sex life.