The Complete Guide to Female Masturbation: History, Benefits & Where to Start

There’s a quiet moment many women know well. You’re alone, the house is still, and a small curiosity rises. And almost in the same breath, a flicker of something else. Hesitation. A bit of self-conscious “should I?” that came from somewhere you can’t quite place.

That hesitation isn’t yours. It was given to you by about three hundred years of bad theology, worse medicine, and a culture that decided female pleasure was something to manage rather than enjoy.

This is a female masturbation guide that actually starts with that fact. We’ll look at the history first, because once you can see where the shame came from, it gets a great deal easier to put down. Then the genuine, evidence-based benefits. The proper ones, not the wellness-influencer kind. Then how to actually go about it, with or without a toy, in a way that suits a real life rather than a candle commercial.

A short history of female masturbation (and why it still echoes)

For most of human history, female masturbation wasn’t a problem. There are prehistoric depictions of it. The ancient Sumerians thought self-pleasure was good for sexual potency in both men and women, and the early religious texts that shaped Western culture barely mention it. It just existed.

The cultural panic about masturbation is surprisingly recent. It dates, with rare precision, to a single anonymous pamphlet published in London in the early eighteenth century called Onania. The pamphlet was a moral and medical horror story, claiming masturbation caused everything from blindness to insanity to early death. It was a runaway bestseller, and it did something nothing before it had managed: it convinced Western culture that one of the most ordinary things humans do was actually a disease.

The eighteenth and nineteenth centuries took that idea and ran with it. By the Victorian era, doctors were treating female masturbation as a medical condition. Sometimes with restraints, sometimes with surgery, almost always with the assumption that women’s sexuality was something to suppress entirely. Medical journals genuinely debated whether women had any sexual feeling at all. The cultural pressure to be “pure” and “passionless” was relentless, and it stuck around long after the medicine moved on.

Then came Alfred Kinsey. His 1953 report on female sexuality landed in a culture that still officially considered women non-sexual beings, and quietly revealed that around 62% of American women had masturbated. The number was bigger than anyone wanted to admit. It didn’t end the taboo, but it cracked the foundations.

We’re still living in the cracks. Most women reading this weren’t told that female masturbation was bad. They were just never told it was good, or normal, or healthy. The shame got passed down by silence, not sermon. Which is why a guide that opens with the history matters: once you can see where the discomfort came from, you can stop carrying it as if it was your own.

The benefits of female masturbation

Skip past the wellness-influencer language for a moment, because the actual evidence here is much more interesting than “self-care.”

Stress, mood, and the brain. When you orgasm, your body releases a specific chemical cocktail: oxytocin (the bonding and calming hormone), dopamine (motivation and reward), and endorphins (your natural painkillers). Cortisol, the main stress hormone, drops. This isn’t a vague wellness claim; it’s measurable. The reason a five-minute solo session can shift a bad day is that you’ve genuinely altered your neurochemistry.

Sleep. The same hormonal cascade has a follow-on effect. Oxytocin and prolactin, both released around orgasm, are sleep-promoting, and research has linked orgasm to better sleep quality and a shorter time to fall asleep. If you struggle with the wired-but-tired feeling at bedtime, it’s a more pleasant intervention than scrolling.

Period pain and PMS. Orgasm causes mild uterine contractions, which can help relieve cramps by speeding up the shedding of the uterine lining. The endorphin release also dampens pain perception generally. It won’t replace anti-inflammatories for severe cramps, but for many women a steady habit during their period meaningfully shortens and softens the worst days.

Menopause and perimenopause. This one matters. As oestrogen drops, vaginal tissue can thin and lose elasticity, and arousal takes longer. Regular orgasm, solo or partnered, keeps blood flowing to the area and supports tissue health. The Kinsey Institute has flagged regular masturbation as genuinely useful for managing perimenopausal symptoms including hot flushes and disrupted sleep. If you’re in that life stage, this isn’t a guilty pleasure. It’s maintenance.

Body knowledge and partnered sex. Knowing how your own body responds is the single most useful thing you can bring into partnered sex. You can’t communicate what you want if you’ve never had the chance to find out. Most women who report better partnered sex after picking up a solo practice describe the same thing: they got specific. They could say “this, not that, slower, here.” Vague guesses became actual instructions, and everyone benefited.

How to start (or restart)

Forget the candles for a minute. The advice-column staple of “set the mood with rose petals and a glass of wine” is well-meaning, but for most women it adds another item to the to-do list. You don’t need a spa setting. You need ten minutes and a closed door.

The most useful reframe. Try not to make orgasm the point. Make curiosity the point. Many women have been quietly chasing orgasm for years, getting frustrated when it doesn’t arrive, and never noticing that the chase itself is part of the problem. The brain reads pressure as a threat, and arousal goes the opposite way to threat. Slow down. Pay attention to what feels good before what gets you over the line.

Where to actually touch. The clitoris gets the headlines, and for good reason. It has roughly 8,000 nerve endings concentrated in the small visible bit at the top of the vulva, plus a much larger internal structure that wraps around the vaginal canal. Most women, and most people with vulvas, reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation, not penetration. That’s not a problem to fix. That’s just the anatomy.

But the clitoris isn’t the whole map. The inner labia, the vaginal opening, the perineum, the breasts, the inner thighs, the back of the neck. All worth exploring. Some women find that almost-but-not-quite touching the clitoris is more arousing than direct contact. There’s no rule. Try things.

Lube, the most underrated bit of kit in the room. Use it. Even if you don’t think you need it. Even if you’re “naturally wet.” Lube reduces friction, makes everything feel better, and matters even more if you’re using a toy or in perimenopause. Water-based is the safe default; it works with all toys and bodies. Explore all lubricants here.

Myths worth binning. You can’t “do it too much.” It won’t ruin partnered sex; it usually improves it. Vibrators don’t damage your nerve endings or “desensitise” you. That’s a persistent myth with no real evidence behind it. And if you’ve never had an orgasm from masturbation, it doesn’t mean you can’t. It usually means you haven’t had the right combination of relaxation, time, and technique yet.

If orgasm doesn’t happen. That’s also fine. Pleasure is the goal. Orgasm is a nice ending sometimes. Some of the best sessions don’t end in orgasm at all, and noticing that takes the pressure off the next one.

Toys that make a difference (and how to pick yours)

You don’t need a toy to masturbate. But the right one, used the right way, can teach you things about your own body that fingers alone can’t quite manage. The trick is matching the toy to what you actually want, not to what looks impressive on the shelf.

If you mainly respond to clitoral stimulation. This is most women, and the place to start is our clitoral stimulators collection. Bullet vibrators are small, quiet, and often under £30. A brilliant first toy. Clitoral suction stimulators use pulsing air rather than vibration, and they’re a genuinely different sensation worth trying. Expect to invest £40–£80 for a good one.

If you want internal stimulation as well. A classic vibrator with a curved tip is the place to start. Look for one with multiple speeds and patterns rather than one with the highest top setting; variety is more useful than power for finding what you like. G-spot vibrators have a more pronounced curve, designed for the textured area along the front vaginal wall.

If you want both at once. Rabbit vibrators do clitoral and internal stimulation simultaneously. They’re a very British staple at this point, and they’re popular for a reason, but they’re not for everyone. If you don’t already know you like internal stimulation, start simpler.

If it’s your first toy. Buy small. Buy quiet. Buy something with at least three or four settings. Don’t buy the most powerful one in the shop. That’s like learning to drive in a sports car. Our vibrators for beginners collection is sorted with this in mind.

A practical note. If the idea of ordering online makes you uncomfortable, you can come into one of our stores and ask. Our staff will help you pick something without raised eyebrows or a sales pitch. It’s the most ordinary thing they do all day. For a lot of women, walking out with a small bag and a real recommendation is far less daunting than they expected.

Frequently asked questions

A final thought

Female masturbation is one of the oldest, most ordinary things humans do. That it ever felt complicated says everything about the last few centuries and very little about the act itself.

If you’d like a starting point, whether a first toy, a better lube, or an upgrade, our vibrators for women collection is sorted by what they do, not by what they look like. Or come into one of our stores and let our team help you pick. Either way: this isn’t a guilty pleasure. It’s just pleasure. Yours.