Lena’s Guide to Floggers, Whips & Spankers (For Curious First-Timers)

By Lena,

The first time I picked up a spanker, my heart was racing — not because I wanted to hurt anyone, but because I suddenly realised they were trusting me.

I remember thinking, What if I hit too hard? What if I ruin the mood? What if I actually love this a bit too much?

I’m someone who genuinely enjoys the dominance side of spanking — the focus, the control, the delicious responsibility of being trusted with someone else’s body. But I didn’t start there. I started with nerves, questions, and a lot of “are we doing this right?” energy. So this is a beginner-friendly, no-pressure guide for anyone picking up impact play toys for the first time.

First things first: what are these toys?

Spankers

Spankers are often the easiest place to start because:

• They’re simple to use
• They deliver a clear, thuddy sensation
• They’re great for learning rhythm and pressure

👉 Explore: Spankers

Floggers

Why beginners often love them:

• Less sting, more warmth
• Easier to control intensity
  Great for building anticipation

👉 Explore: Floggers

Whips

Whips are the most misunderstood. They can sting — but that doesn’t mean they’re off-limits.

For first-timers, look for:

• Shorter whips
• Flexible, lightweight materials
• Practice-focused designs
  

👉 Explore: Whips

My First Proper Spanker from Pulse & Cocktails

Okay, confession time: the first spanker I ever used properly was a soft leather paddle from Pulse & Cocktails, and it completely changed how confident I felt stepping into dominance.

What stood out for me as a beginner dom:

• The grip felt secure
  
• The sensation was thuddy, not sharp
  
• It looked confident without being scary

I definitely started softer than I thought I needed to. Partly because that’s good practice — and partly because my arm forgot how to function for the first few swings. We laughed. The mood didn’t die. If anything, it made it easier to relax into it.

Explore: XOXO Double Paddle (Red & Black)

The awkward consent chat (and why it helped)

Our consent conversation didn’t happen in candlelight with a script. It happened sitting on the bed, half-dressed, both pretending we weren’t nervous.

We talked about:

• What felt curious vs. what felt scary
• What kind of sensations sounded interesting
• How to slow things down or stop

We used a traffic-light safe word system, and just knowing it existed made me feel steadier holding the spanker. It took the pressure off needing to “get it right”.

Choosing your first impact toy (without overthinking it)

When you’re browsing, look for:

• Comfortable grip
• Softer or flexible materials
• Shorter lengths
• Clear beginner descriptions

Avoid anything marketed as “extreme” or “advanced” for now. You’re not missing out — you’re building a foundation.

Lena’s Takeaway 💬

If you’re reading this and thinking, I’m curious, but I’m nervous — good. That means you care.

Confidence with floggers, whips, and spankers doesn’t come from being fearless. It comes from trying, checking in, and realising you’re allowed to enjoy learning. Enjoy the learning curve. That’s where the power actually is.