Dark Desires | How Dark Romance Erotica Helped Me Embrace My Kinks
Dark Desires: How Gothic Erotica Helped Me Embrace My Kinks
Meet Lena
I’m Lena, 21, English student and over thinker.
When I’m not writing essays about Victorian literature, I’m usually reading something that would make my seminar tutor blush – gothic erotica, dark romance, anything with a little tension and a lot of feeling.
Before this year, I’d never really thought much about kinks. I assumed they were for other people – older, more experienced, or just braver. Then I started reading books that made me realise maybe I wasn’t scared of intensity at all. Maybe I was just scared of wanting it.
This is how gothic erotica; moody, dramatic, and just a bit unhinged, helped me understand my own desires for the first time.
From Fiction to Feelings
It started with A Dowry of Blood by S.T. Gibson. I bought it because I liked the cover; all red and gold and dripping with atmosphere. But the story was what got me. A re-telling of Dracula from the perspective of his bride, full of passion, control, surrender, and rage.
I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The power dynamics. The way danger and attraction blurred together.
A week later, I was halfway through The Siren by Tiffany Reisz and feeling both intrigued and weirdly validated. These characters weren’t ashamed of wanting things that were intense or unconventional. They explored it. They talked about it. They made it safe.
And that’s when it clicked: I didn’t have to judge my fantasies – I just had to understand them.
Why Gothic Erotica Hits Different
Gothic erotica isn’t just sexy. It’s emotional. It’s about tension, surrender, curiosity, and identity, all things that feel familiar when you’re figuring out who you are.
When you read these stories, you learn that desire can look different for everyone. It can be slow, dark, playful, or strange, and that’s okay.
It also gives you language. I’d never heard anyone talk about consent or boundaries in a way that felt empowering until I saw it written into stories like The Siren and The Red by Tiffany Reisz.
It’s weirdly educational. You start recognising that kink isn’t about pain or dominance; it’s about trust, curiosity, and mutual control.
Trying It for Myself (Safely and Cheaply)
When I started getting curious, I didn’t rush to buy a whole bondage kit. I’m a student, I can barely afford a Pret sandwich, let alone a deluxe whip set.
So I started small: a blindfold, restraints, and a basic soft flogger. Nothing intense, just props that let me play with sensation, sound, and tension.
And honestly? It made me realise how much of sex and self-pleasure is about headspace.
When you set the scene, candles, music, maybe a scene from your favourite dark book playing in your head, everything slows down. You notice touch differently. It becomes storytelling, not performance.
I learned that kink doesn’t have to be extreme or expensive. It can just be about taking time to feel something new.
If You’re Curious Too – Here’s Where to Start
1. Read the Right Books
They’ll give you ideas, language, and a safe space to think about what you like before you try it.
- A Dowry of Blood – poetic, queer, and full of emotional power.
- The Siren – clever, self-aware BDSM with real heart.
- Bitterburn by Ann Aguirre – a cosy gothic romance with just enough heat.
- The Awakening of Ivy Leavold by Sierra Simone – pure gothic indulgence.
- A Lesson in Thorns by Sierra Simone – modern, mysterious, and gloriously messy.
2. Start Small (and Soft)
If you’re new to toys or kink, you don’t need to go straight into restraints or impact play. Try sensation first.
- Feather Ticklers – light, teasing, perfect for experimenting.
- Blindfolds & Masks – removing sight makes everything feel new.
- Massage Oils & Candles – affordable, low-pressure way to start with touch and scent.
3. Talk About It
If you have a partner, tell them what you’re reading and why it’s stuck with you. You don’t have to say “I want to try bondage.” You can just say, “That scene made me think – maybe I’d like something slower or more deliberate.”
It’s less about recreating fiction and more about learning what draws you in.
4. Stay Safe & Grounded
Fantasy is fun, but consent and comfort come first. If you’re trying something new, especially involving restraint or power play, make sure you have a safe word or signal.
Also – check your headspace. Kink should make you feel more connected, not smaller or unsafe.
What I’ve Learned
Gothic erotica taught me that darkness isn’t something to be scared of – it’s something to understand.
The tension, the surrender, the curiosity, they’re all just ways of learning what it means to trust yourself and someone else.
It’s not about being kinky for the sake of it. It’s about being honest about what excites you.
I’m still learning. Still experimenting. Still building confidence. But now, when I read a scene that makes my stomach flip, I don’t close the book in embarrassment. I underline it.
Because sometimes the stories that scare us a little are the ones that show us who we are.